Anniversaries

We are to move on.

We are to be.

United in the cruel fate of a survivor.

In a club no one wants to be member of.

And so we move on. After a while that is and in a long, endless progress.

The loved one dies and we grieve.

Then the moment comes we have to eat. So we eat and it hurts because our loved one will never eat anything again. So we cry.

Then the moment comes, the tiredness forces us to sleep. So we lie down and sleep, just to wake in the morning what hurts because our loved one will never wake up again.

Then the moment comes, we need to wash ourselves, we need to get dressed, we need to eat again, we need to brush our teeth, we need to close the door, we need to go outside, we need to buy food, we need to water the flowers, we need to clean the apartment, we need to take out the garbage, we need to make phone calls, we need to answer phone calls, we need to open the mail box, we need to pay bills, we need to go to the doctor, we need to swim along the river of normality and of daily life.

We bury our loved one after the burden of the death and preparation of the funeral. We need to watch the soil cover the coffin. We need to cry and we need to be strong.

People we didn't know tell us how sorry they are about your loss. We are too. We need to be patient and we need to listen to. We need to wait to be alone or among our closest. We need to grieve. We need to move on. The others have already after walking away from the funeral or the memorial.

Now, it is our turn. We are expected to go back to work and one day we do. We need to. We move on. We need to. We cry though we are no longer expected to. We need to.

We need you but you, our loved ones, are gone.

So, we live on. We stand up in the morning with the lost loved ones on our minds, we prepare for the day, we eat, we work, we socialize, we live - all without the lost loved ones. We experience new stuff, get new memories, meet new people, live through new ups and downs - all without our loved ones. And we go to the graves, lie down flowers, lit candles, pray and talk to the lost loved ones. Just another daily routine. We go to bed and are glad for the day is over. We fell asleep with a last thought on our lost loved ones and maybe dream about them one time or the other.

And then the day comes: The anniversary: Of the loved one’s death: And we are finally allowed to cry, to openly miss you a bit more than usually. But we have to move on.

Moving on and on and on - that is the human’s duty.

A hard challenge.

Probably the toughest we humans are faced with in our lives.

Lucky those who are to die young.

Lucky those who are never to be a survivor.

I am not that lucky.

I am faced with a challenge, with that challenge.

The hardest challenge I was ever faced with that is.