Divine Domain

Phone, fax, letter ? She'd never seen an "official" address.

Joe thought for a while then replied, "e-mail".

Mandy stared at him, believing that Joe had gone barking mad.

"Everybody who is ANYBODY has e-mail", Joe gesticulated in expressive sweeping motions with his arms. "If God is a switched on kinda being, a happening dude, then he or she must have an e-mail address. Stands to reason, innit ?"

But Joe was talking to himself and the Ouzo, for by this point Mandy had collapsed on to the floor, amongst the sea of stoned and shrivelled students. Floor space was at a premium, so much so that it looked like they had all engaged in a mass suicide pact.

Joe staggered upstairs to his room on the first floor of the dormitory. After an endless fumbling (much like the first time he had sex), he managed to slide the hard key in to the willing lock (much unlike the first time he had sex).

He miraculously avoided the casually tossed obstacles on his bedroom floor (CD's half open, two-week old foil takeaway containers, soiled clothing, study materials, empty carrier bags, tins of half-drunk cider or lager) and sat down at his computer.

He turned on the monitor and entered another world.

He clicked the icon to start his e-mail program.

A window popped up, with fields for To:, CC: and Subject :
Underneath was a white box where he could write his message.

Joe stared at the "To:" field. What would God's email address be ?

God@God.com ?

Joe ran a WhoIs on God.com. It belonged to a worldly company called Groves Online Delivery. He tried to open a web page but it timed out with a "Page cannot be displayed" error message. This domain address sounded doubtful.

God@Divine.com ?

Nah. Some computer enterprise solutions company had this address. The banner looked promising, something about "meaningful connections", but Joe doubted that God was their M.D.

God@Entity.com ?

Again, another computer company. Apparently with 10 years experience in Macintosh and Internet consulting. Joe wondered if God used a Mac. Then he discounted the idea, since even divine entities must have a breaking point and if God used a Mac he must be a very frustrated divine being.

Joe slumped back in his chair. Think ! THINK !

God@GodConsulting.com ? Nope, cyber squatters had this one
God@Godsworld.com ? No. Some Christian network has taken this one.
God@GodsPlace.com ? Close but some sort of portal for religious inquirers.

The last two sites got Joe thinking. World, Place. Something along those lines...

Joe jumped up from his slouched position and feverishly typed in an idea.

Bingo !

His monitor started to glow an incandescent light. Joe thought the tube was about to blow, when the aura started to envelope the plastic casing and coat the mouse and keyboard in some sort of yellow sheen. A double halo materialised over the monitor, which Joe quickly noted was an excellent brand image.

The page was white. Brilliant white. Like looking in to a supernova, except that it didn't hurt the eyes or incinerate you in a nanosecond.

The speakers crackled and noticing that they were turned down, Joe quickly turned them up full volume. What sort of sound would the Heavenly Father employ on his website ?

One that went a very long way it would seem, as the inhabitants of the neighbouring county were to rudely discover at 5.28 am one Saturday morning.

Joe however was immune to the aural onslaught, as he was the first person to open the portal to God's Realm.