The Lifeguard Stand

The Ocean has always held a special meaning to me, it's never ending crashing on the beach, like a perpetual motion machine which has no visible source of power. It's vastness and complexities are among the beauties I've always admired. Fear of the deep dark water with it's hidden secrets, which only allows man to have a small piece of its mysterious nature. Yes, the ocean is a powerful force in my life; it makes me realize how trivial I am in the grand scheme of things. I like to sit on the beach and watch it. It hypnotizes me. It lets me forget, if only for a second, any problems I may have or any decisions I need to make. The ocean is my psychologist; it listens to my problems and gives me the inner strength I need to make it through the week. I need it as I need food and air, I can't live without it.

Four days ago I came to the shore to get some piece of mind, I had a rough week, and it seemed like everything in my life was making me crazy. I sit on the beach and watch the young people laugh and have fun, and wish I could be eighteen again. What an age, at eighteen you are indestructible, nothing can hurt you and you are at the top of the world. If only I could do it all over again.

My mind wonders to the happy times in my life, when times were simple. The biggest problem you had was boredom and what you were going to do on Saturday night. Those days are far in the past. Now there is the pressures of real life, mortgages, bills, job pressures. Where does it all end? I need this solitude to clear my mind and forget my troubles. Life is too short to get hung up on any one thing. I live about an hour from the beach, so whenever I want to, I can come down here after work and relax for a while.

The sun is beaming down on me now; its hot rays feel so good on my face, like a warm hand caressing my cheeks. The days are too short here, I long for the time when I can retire and live at the seashore all year around. It's about noontime now; the house I rent is about a five-minute walk from the ocean. Tonight some friends will be coming down to visit, so I need to get in as much time here as possible. From where I am sitting, I can see the lifeguard stand along the edge of the water. I have such fond memories of a different time in my life when that stand held a very dear meaning for me. The girl I was in love with, Jesse, and I used to kiss the mornings away and watch the sun come up from there. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if we were together. I know things would be different, she was my inner strength, I couldn' t live a minute without her and needed her all the time. She was the true love of my life, and because of her I never married. As I sit here, I can picture us in the lifeguard stand. Like a bystander watching, I can only wonder what the passers by used to think when they saw us.

Things are different now; she is but a memory, a lost love, which I will never forget.