She is gone. I have to get over that. Nothing will replace her. One day I hope to be able to see that. I hope one day to be able to hear that. When I heard that she was gone, I was at a loss. What was I to do?

At first, I ignored it hoping that all the pain and emptiness would go away. It did not go it stayed and grew. Then, I deiced to go on a search, a search to heal my heart of the pain and emptiness that filled it.

I am told that if I tell my tale I will find the cure for my aching heart and my journey will end. I have been on this journey so long I don't know if I want it to end.

For five years all I have know is this journey. If it ends will I miss it? Will a new one begin? I do not know these answers. All I know that no matter what this journey has been too long. My heart has been cold too long. My love locked away way too long. If I miss this journey I know what I will be missing is the pain and misery. Pain and misery are my companions theses days. I don't know if I can function if I don't feel pain when I arise in the morning and have my pal misery to greet me at my bedside when night falls. Five years is an eternity to the unhappy, a moment to the happy. I feel as if I am losing my best friends for these past five years even as I write this. If a new journey begins after this, I cannot say. All I can hope for is for a happy journey. One that makes five years feel like a second and one where my new friends can be happiness and joy.

I cannot promise a fairy tale ending, a happy ending, or even a sad ending. All I can promise is an ending. Happy, sad or indifferent there will be an ending. All things good or bad must end. That single thought has kept me going through this journey and carry on to the next one if there is a next one.

So, here I begin my journey. The night was cool; the rains had just stopped. The smell of wet fall leaves heavy in the air. My then lover had just admitted to having an affair. Then he proceeded to tell me that he was in love with her and that he was leaving me. Then after that is was the usual. It's not your fault it is all me. I didn't mean to hurt you. I should have told you earlier. We have grown apart. We can still be friends. Friends? like hell, over my dead body. I was suspecting that he was reading my Cosmo and got all that "great" break up advice from page 107.