The truth

I am very lonely in this state and not many can relate to that. I would like to lay down and rest, and wake up in a flurishing field of grain and scream out to the world. I am under a face of light, and im crying inside.

I have thought about this matter time and time again. My opinion has swayed back and fourth both ways a number of times trying to ponder if there is a meaning of life or even is there life after death. As of right now I am convinced that there mush be a reason to all of this. People can come to conclusions like this in a number of ways such as spiritualy, ignorance, and the such,but the most scientific and concrete way i can think of to conclude the matter is statisticly. The statistical chances of my being right now are infinate. Dating back from before the time of "evolution" to the conception of me between my mother and father and the placement of every atom in the entire universe decides wether i have green eyes and not blue or wether i chose to read Huxley over Frost. My mother and father met halfway across the country and every footprint that my mother and father stepped in determined my being, and the same goes with his father and mother infinately in regress.

As for the universe, before i was born i knew of nothing existing, even thought there was entire worlds out in a place we call space. It was like waking up from a long dreamless sleep where I am just thrown into existance. Not just any life though, a life where i am an individual of the highest order of species ever known, guided by my own decisions. You have to look up at the stars, each one exists for a reason just like yourself, they have reason to exist just because of the mere fact that they are there. There could have quite possibly been nothing like the dreamless sleep. Other thoughts could be that it is all a prop for someone elses life, or we could have been born into "another" universe. It is very flattering that i am allowed to chose my own destiny in a life that was given to me without asking, or without even knowing. Who chose me to live over millions that die before birth, even before existence. We are born into the middle of time, free from slavery or disability. The only thing that scares me is the thought that there may and probably is only one chance at the life I have now. Could i possibly go thought my whole life without ever actualy accomplishing anything. Sometimes it feels as if there is no perpose, no morals except for the ones that society so generously bestows uppon us. An ingnorant class of people where the world belongs to them but they hide because it is easier than thinking. This is why we load ourselves up with drugs for a few hours of relaxation and escape of our nagging questions about life and scope. I do it. We also fill ourselves up with lies, actualy convincing us for that subltle comfort from what lies below the surface. That something under the terrible mask of superficiality we chose to wear. So lie down to sleep every night for the brief unconciousness, then wake up in the morning and look at the sun and there is your proof.