The Legend of Pygman

Long ago, a man came up with a fantastically ridiculous idea that people should stop using words like 'fantastically and ridiculous'. He was torn apart by a swamp gas sucking oracle impersonator and burn up inside of his anointment robe.

In other news... Some time after the gods had started to interact with the humans there was a kingdom. The one in charge of this kingdom was the ridiculously imperious King Analus. Since humans were made in the form of the gods, Analus unfortunately best reflected Cronos. Analus ruled his kingdom with an iron fist, asking too much of his subjects and maintaining order by throwing his potential enemies and violators of the law down a bottomless pit, witch he aptly named, "The Mouth of Cronos".

Prometheus never intended a human to have these sorts of qualities. He had only made Analus in order to make a caricature of Cronos (This is why Analus had a large, exaggerated head and disproportionately small body). Prometheus intended to have taken all the life out of the clay before he formed Analus. He put the life into a bottle and the bottle was hid in the heavens. Eventually Zeus found the bottle and, thinking it was nectar, drank it. The contents did not agree with his stomach and he vomited it upon the earth (this form of precipitation is still not classified). The life came back into the clay body of Analus and he became human. Analus obtained his throne by assassinating the king of Hartford, by means of a giant head butt.

Once the tyrannical rule of Analus began his subjects decided that they would leave the kingdom. They didn't really have to put up with him after all. In order to keep people form leaving his kingdom Analus surrounded the area with all sorts of vicious beasts. There was the twenty-tailed Thydra, the Nymean Ill-Tempered Cat, the Sirings, a middle school quire closely related to the Sirens. Their song was so off key that anyone who heard it within a 12 mile radius would promptly commit suicide. Other beasts included 1:8 scale smoke-breathing dragons, escaped mental patients, dull-toothed rats, Yorkshire terriers, killer rabbits, peeved guppies, evil teachers and possibly the most fearful of them all, Kenny G, to name a few (For an extensive list of creatures please see Homer's Big Little Scroll of Nasty Places to live. Entry: Hartford).

The issue at hand here was that this anal-retentive king was holding an entire kingdom hostage. No one could leave and Analus could not be dethroned. Insurrection was a 100% sure fire way to die. Analus's security staff of beasts were so fearful that even the god's were reluctant to intervene.

Incidentally, one god did try to intervene, an unknown god by the name of Si. Si was unknown because he was a little weak and useless. One thing he did have though was a sense of duty. He planned to go have a chat with Analus and tell him what was what, what to do with it, and suggest a few places to put it. Upon entering into Hartford he was immediately attacked by a dull-toothed rat, after personally wetting himself he ran screaming in fear all the way back to Prospect Mountain (He was not even good enough to be on Mt. Olympus.). That is why to this day the word for girly man is Sissy.

And so Analus's rule ran uninterrupted for 14 years. He became more and more powerful. He married a rather butch Cretian named Henrietta, more commonly known as "Hank the Tank".