The Legend of Pygman

Dave was quite the powerful god, but he did not want to tie himself down with the responsibility of something like hauling the sun across the sky or making sure that the frogs croaked on time. He did sometimes sub in for Demeter. He had a trademark move of making it snow on one persons lawn but blue sky and sunny for the guy next door. Dave was most famous for being fiendishly good looking.

"Dave," spoke Zeus, "I'm glad you're here! We were just about to discuss the affairs of Pygman, and how his quest is going to assassinate his father."

Dave casually sat on a cloud, plucked one of Aphrodite's golden apples and began eating it. "Actually Zeus, you don't have to worry much about Pygman."

"Why not?"

"He's out of our jurisdiction."

"What!" exclaimed Zeus in surprise and alarm. At this a few dozen lightning bolt were hurled out of heaven and fell upon a perfectly harmless family of eels, which have been electrified to this very day.

Dave pulled out a map of the Earth. "You see," he held it up for the gods, this is Greece..." He paused because the gods could not handle too much information at once. "Pygman's quest is to find the city of Hartford and that is located all the way up here." He pointed into the future asia. "Our sphere of influence ends here, at the border of Greece."

Zeus gaped, "That's completely ridiculous, were the gods! Earthly boundaries cannot hold us. We're immortal, invincible, all powerful!"

Dave explained, "It's like this you see: once Pygman leaves Greece there is nothing you can do to help him. You would need to petition Mother Earth, get a temporary bypass warrant from universal legislation, and schedule a hearing with a vote in two-thirds majority in favor of voting again. All in all the process should take about five hundred years."

"This is all preposterous. I'm king!"

"Well maybe you shouldn't have slept so much in Government class," added Athena.

"Everybody sleeps in government class!" bellowed Zeus. And at this a harmless flock of seagulls suddenly fell victim to a shower of lightening bolts. The seagulls, witch had previously been quiet, mild mannered creatures, suddenly felt the urge to squawk loudly, eat garbage and harass people on beaches, on account of a certain amount of hereditary brain damage. If any accountable person had been around at this time they would have been shocked to see a large tortoise rise up out of the ocean waters and say to anyone who cared to listen: "Time for another abrupt scene change."

Pygman glanced around the forest scene. The road to Hartford was a long and grueling one and he began to wonder if he would ever near his journeys end. He and the others had been traveling the road for a good amount of time and began to think that they maybe should have bought a map.

Truthfully though, a map would not have done him any good. It only would depress him. The idea that that the shortest distance between two points is a strait line had not yet reached Hartford. The only road to the city took some serious detours, like a dog chasing it's tail. One traveler to Hartford once passed the same point the road so many times that he eventually met up with himself again. The traveler was so shocked and amazed and utterly stunned at this that he promptly, and without any coaxing by a pharmacist, went insane.

Fortunately Pygman was past that. The place he found himself in right now looked something like this:

The forest closed in, the trees becoming like cave walls around the winding path. Branches stretched overhead and interlocked to tightly form a chapel roof.