Until Now

Are there rules upon entering an unfamiliar realm? I have never liked rules.

After the age of thirty, I had started to get rather found of my own routines. With one exception: Five years ago, I donated that floral, tufted couch and throw pillows to Good-Will and mail-ordered an all white contemporary sectional. I had promised myself I would never end up sitting like a zombie on those same worn-out cushions as my mother and grandmother had done.

I can still see both of them staring into space, not knowing how to get from here too there.

Be that as it may, I had been smart enough to by-pass the family couch, the hand-me-down, just not smart enough to figure out how to leave from here to get to there. Wherever there might be. And unlike either of my predecessors, I have never given thought about needing or desiring another's approval. My life has always been a very private thing. Until now.

Some might say I had become more than self-absorbed towards the end of my life. Some would even call it selfishness on my part. I don't. Therefore, I won' t make excuses for being busy, inventing mind games to pass away what was left of my time on here on earth. What's a person to do when fingers and legs no longer do what they are told? Besides the aching and stiffness, I was getting bored always sitting or lying down, afraid to move because the pain had burrowed deep into my bones, taking up permanent residence. The boob-tube was good in the beginning, but it has been designed for idiots now. I may have become a prisoner in my own body, but not in my mind.

To be perfectly truthful, my dying happened without anyone consulting me about the duration, or how it would take place. Not to mention how surprised I am to discover my soul has not vacated this body yet. What in the hell is it waiting for?

Never mind. That was not the brightest of questions at a time like this. I would like to believe 'hell' does not exist. I suppose, souls need to finish contractual agreements, even if the body can no longer transport them. Darn transports are always in need of fixing or, in my case, junking.

One would think at my age, that assignment given to me by whomever I made the agreement with before entering this earth-plane, would be have been completed at least twenty years ago. As you can see, this did not happen. And if I had known how to polish off what I came here to do, I would not be talking with you now.

Even more sorry is the fact that I had to watch my body go through its series of remarkable phases while actively dying. There was nothing, that I know of, I could have done to enhance this trip. Made it easier. Funny thing, my mother had told me it was not as hard as she had imagined it would be. Let me be the first to tell you, my mother had to be joking in her fashion.

Doesn't seem fair that the body weakens and the mind stays strong, or the mind dies and the body keeps going without direction. All told, the soul is a different story. It just keeps on going forever and ever, changing physical structures, like some people change cars and/or homes.