When Harry Met Satan

"There is no god, I’m telling you," said the little red guy who Harry had just met.

He’d got off work down at the docks early and went into Dixie’s for a cup of coffee, when the little midget in the devil costume approached him. He called himself Lucifer and insisted on buying him a burger. Now they walked along the esplanade, for what Lucifer called "a friendly chat."

"You’ve gotta be lying, if you exist, God has to." Harry fingered the cross around his neck, hoping that the Lord would drop down from the heavens and prove Lucifer wrong.

"You people have really gotta get your story straight. There isn’t a god, and if there was one, do you really think he’d let himself be strung up on a cross?"

Harry tried to stay casual, almost putting his hand in his left jacket pocket, but remembering just before he did that he had sneaked the pickles from the burger in there. Harry hated the look on people’s faces when he turned something down that they offered him, so he secretly hid them. Petty, he knew, but it was just one of his quirks.

"You’re trying to trick me." Harry was no fool, he’d read the Bible, Lucifer was damaged goods, and a crafty one to boot.

"Hey, c’mon…Harry (was that you’re name?) I just bought you a burger using the only money I had on me, even though you were a total stranger…now that’s charity. And charitable people are trustworthy aren’t they?" The imp smiled, his little yellow fangs shining in the pale moonlight.

"First of all, I didn’t want that burger, you insisted I have it, and second of all, what the hell do you need with money?"

"I may be the Prince of Darkness, but being royalty isn’t as cushy down there as it is up here. I mean, that Fergie chick probably earns more than me, and she’s not even a royal anymore, even though she is a devoted disciple. When it comes to dough, I guess I drew the short straw."

Harry looked down on the four foot red guy with the horns.

"That’s not the only thing short about you."

"DON’T YOU DARE MOCK MY HEIGHT!"

Lucifer’s eyes flared red and a maelstrom of fire exploded around him, his voice booming like thunder as lightning cracked over head.

Harry stumbled back, wrenching his cross off his neck and holding it before him for protection. Then, after a short while, it all subsided.

"Oops, sorry about that. I’m a little sensitive about my height sometimes, well, all the time. It’d be best if you didn’t mention it again."

Lucifer chuckled at Harry, who still held up the cross.

"Now, if there was a god, shouldn’t I be burning at the sight of that thing right now?"

"That’s…vampires," Harry stuttered out, still shaken by the fury of the Horned One.

Lucifer offered his clawed hand and helped Harry to his feet.

"So it is," laughed Lucifer. "Sorry, I won’t do that again."

They continued to walk along the esplanade, Harry really keeping his distance, but not trying to run away; this was the devil, he’s not that easy to get away from, as Harry found out when he first went into that diner for a simple cup of coffee.

"Anyway, as I was saying," continued Lucifer. "My financial situation. Well, you see, Hell doesn’t really pay that well? The money just burns up, hahahaha…um, sorry, bad joke.