"It means I've got to stick around this pathetic place until you DO become apprentice to Vizagriz. What a pain!"

"But I'm at the Agency. I can't be. I mean - me, an apprentice to a wizard? I doubt if Brer Dryberg..."

He held up his hand like a God bringing a world to its last judgement. I've seen pictures.

"Shut up! Let me think. The PhilosoPhax definitely says that by the next full moons you will be in this alley, carrying an important message on behalf of the wizard. So what I suggest you do is this. Go back to wherever you are currently staying, and hand in your notice."

"I can't. I'm indentured for life, or until someone buys me. "

"WILL YOU KEEP SCHTUMM? Thank you!" He flexed his armour, which sighed, like the death-wind of a volcano. "Then, a month from now, be back here at this very time, and I will give you the message for Vizagriz."

"Look, I don't mean to be rude, but if you want to get a message to Vizagriz, I can show you his cottage. I think it's in The Street of the Hanging Baskets. It's only a few blocks away. Past the Council cess pit and flagon re cycling bank, next to..."

He drew himself up even taller, if that were possible, and looked like he might explode. "NO! It has to come from you. And within a month from now. So I'll tell you what. You go to Vizagriz, ask him to take you on as his apprentice, and just make sure you get back here a month from tonight, at this time. No later! If I miss my golf game, the whole fabric of existence could be threatened even more than it is at the moment. Can you remember all that?"

"Yes, but, I mean, I can't just become a wizard's apprentice. He'd have to ask for me. And he may not want an apprentice. Might have one or two already. There's probably an entrance exam. Or something. Apart from that, he'd have to buy me from the Agency, and they might not let me go! Brer Dryberg says he's got plans for me at the next Saturnalia."

"Ah! I see. Vizagriz won't be able to take you on unless he buys you from the Agency, eh? Well, that's easily solved. How much are you worth?"

"I've no idea," I said, genuinely confused. "A fully-trained catamite costs about five Gold Thalers, but I'm not at that stage yet, and then there's the reimbursement of the rest of my indenture, and the tuck shop bill, and..."

The warrior was fumbling about inside his chest again, which I found strangely discomfiting. He threw me a pouch, which I managed to catch, despite all my tremblings. "Well, take this. It should cover the costs. Give it to Vizagriz, tell him that we met, explain that you have to be back here to get a message for him in a month's time, and remember, I'll be waiting. Now off you go!"

I was dumbfounded. Again. As I set off down the Pally Alley, I heard a sound like a dinner gong going off. "SLOUCH.!"

I stopped dead. "Yes?" I muttered in a small voice.

"DON'T MAKE ME COME LOOKING FOR YOU!"

"Errghlllhhfx" I garbled, then bolted.

***