One Strand of Hair

Chapter One, Me

Jared and I were married four years ago, in 2005. We dated on at off at Utah State for two years before we got engaged. Jared came from a fairly wealthy family and he expected that his family would live a similar lifestyle. That was fine with me.

My parents raised me to be independent and have a career, but deep down I really wanted to be a mother. After college Jared got the job one would have expected him to get. He was making terrific money. Jared was home enough to see me and did not get in my way around the house. I found a job in a nearby school district as a school psychologist. It turned out to be a good career choice for me, it allowed me to work ten months a year, make decent money, and I knew when I had kids it would allow me the flexibility to be the mom I wanted to be.

Anyway, my name is Brooke, Brooke Ann Mamkin. Jared Mamkin is my husband. I am his wife. My exciting adventure began because I wanted to become a mother.

Jared and I had never expected having children would be a problem. Our intimate relationship was always satisfactory and I assumed once we were ready kids would come easily. After being married two years I thought I was ready. Jared said it seemed like the right time and we got down to business.

After three months of trying I was still not pregnant. I was not that concerned, I knew that it can take much more time, plus I was unsure if the pill was having any residual effect on my system. For some reason Jared was nervous. I had always suspected he was holding something back about his "manhood", but never really took it seriously. Jared did. Without me knowing, he went to see a doctor. His fears were confirmed. The doctors discovered Jared’s sperm count was extremely low, and they felt he could never fertilize my eggs.

We had known each other for 5 years. I had always expected to get married and have a family. Jared and I had purchased a great house. We kept one of the bedrooms free of debris in the expectation it would be used as a nursery. I had chosen a career that would let me be a mom. Jared was ready to be a dad. And now, according to the doctors, that would never happen.

I could not imagine a life without children. I loved Jared, but he was not around that much, and that was fine, I knew my children would be with me. Jared would be the father, pay the bills, and allow me to enjoy life. Who was I now supposed to be with for the rest of my life?

Jared and I did not take no for an answer. We started the typical route couples take when they have problems. We explored in-vitro fertilization, adoption, sperm donation, and even thought about cloning. Cloning was only recently perfected, but Jared and I were bothered about having our children also be our siblings.

After exploring our options in-vitro fertilization seemed like the best way to have a child. We tried a few times, but again Jared’s sperm count really prevented any viable embryos from forming. Jared was upset, as was I, but I was told this was a typical obstacle in the path we were on.

I had to be the strong one. Jared would have given up and not had any children.