Lucid Writing Advice VIII

The last two sentences are fragments, yet this author used them to give a dramatic effect to the passage. It gives the reader a sense of losing hope, that Hanna may never, ever, find her way out again. Poor Hanna.

A good way to vary a sentence is to not always start with the subject:

Hanna bristled with fear as she rubbed a hand against the cool flagstone walls. In this sentence we have the subject, Hanna, at the beginning. Here is that same sentence with the subject moved down a bit: Bristling with fear, Hanna rubbed a hand against the cool flagstone walls.

Try that technique so as to get a more rounded out feel to your sentences. Try starting a sentence with a preposition and see if you favor it:

The melons and apples were thrown around. Of the oranges he hadn’t a clue where they went.

The second sentence starts off with the preposition ‘of’, which injects rhythm to the writing.

Watch out for ideas that have already been stated. Such ideas can become repetitious.

Repetitious- Restate what you said again.
Precise- Restate what you said.

Repetitious- When I’m done with my work I will meet you once I’m finished with my work.
Precise- When I’ve finished my work I will meet you.

Repetitious- We will walk around the two sides of the pond, and down onto the banks.
Precise- We will walk down by the banks.

Double negatives can hinder any sentence, and every sentence and story is better without them. They cause only confusion, and makes the author look as if he doesn’t know his grammar.

Double Negative- I don’t have no peaches left for you
Corrected- I have no peaches left for you.

Double Negative- You’ve barely not clean the kitchen right
Corrected- You barely cleaned the kitchen right.

Its obvious when you have a double negative, and it is fairly easy to fix it. Simply clean up the sentence and make your point understood.

Having every other sentence ending with an exclamation mark or a question mark can frustrate your reader. It will make them feel that you the author are single-minded, that you have no idea that there are other sentences beyond the question and the exclamation.

Have your words, or your character’s actions, to express how excited they are, and try not to let them ask a dozen questions. Okay?

Every sentence should pull the story forward, every one should have some fundamental basis. Below, the sentence in bold is one that can be easily deleted without the reader losing anything vital to the story:

Sue looked out the window and saw the clouds below. The flight attendant handed the man beside her a bag of peanuts. She idly wondered what was that dark shape flying below them.

Simply take out the bold print, and the reader stays focused on what Sue is doing. See if you can spot the useless sentence in the passage below:

Greten flourished the wand in a blossom of white flame. Screams, screams of the damned, fell from his hands as he pointed them at the mountain. A blue bird flew before him. With a stomp, the fire flew from Greten’s wand.

If you guess the third sentence then you are correct. Remember, if you keep your sentences useless, your story becomes....well...useless.