The Gods ARE Crazy

Ned Turpentine, a tall, thin man who was sure that life was out to get him, made his way to his place of employment at the Busy Bookworm Bookstore. He turned the corner and crossed the street. As he approached the store, he saw Albert, the new store manager. It was unusual for Albert to arrive on time, let alone early. Yet there he was, sitting in the store waiting for him. Naturally, Ned started to worry. With all of the news about the economic downturn and job layoffs, Ned was fearful for his job. When Ned saw Albert sitting at his desk in the bookshop waiting for him, he was hesitant to go in. With some trepidation, Ned entered the shop. As soon as he did, Albert rose from his chair, rushed over and shook his hand.

"Thank goodness you’re here," said Albert in an excited tone. "I was waiting for you. I have something to say that you will be pleased to hear." Ned let out a sigh of relief. At least he still had his job. "I have been carefully studying the sales records and the customer satisfaction rating, and ever since I bought this place and promoted you to head bookkeeper, both have gone through the roof," continued Albert. "That is why I am going to give you the title of ‘Employee of the Month’."

Ned was in awe. He had never considered that someone would actually recognize that he had always been good at what he did. This had proven that he was wrong. "Th-thank you," stuttered Ned.

"Wait, that’s not all," replied Albert. "Because of your superior achievements in book selling, I have a sort of reward for you." Albert opened his desk drawer and pulled out a golden ring. "Here, this is yours." Albert handed him the ring.

Ned looked at the ring. It was a solid gold ring that looked as if it was ancient. "This-because of book selling!" replied Ned incredulously. "You’ve got to be kidding!"

"Actually, I am," said Albert with a smirk on his face. "The fact that I’m giving you that ring has absolutely nothing to do with your so-called book selling talents. I just set up this ‘Employee of the Month’ guise because I thought it would be funny."

"Funny?" shouted Ned. "You call this funny. You say I am employee of the month, give me a ring that is obviously worth a lot of money, and now you say it has nothing to do with my ‘so-called book selling talents.’ What is going on?" he demanded.

"Well," said Albert, "I will tell you. The reason I gave you that ring is because you are the last of the Volsungs. Somewhere along the line, Sigfried reproduced with a mortal, producing the lineage that you are descended from."

"Wait a minute," interrupted Ned, "Who are these Volsungs you speak of? And who the heck is Sigfried?"

Albert shook his head. "Obviously you are completely oblivious to any of Wagner’s works. Well, here goes nothing." He sat back down at his desk. "First of all, my name is not Albert, it’s Alberich. I am the god of gold. Yes, the Norse gods really do exist, if not in their glorious state as Wagner imagined it. Sigfried and the Volsungs are not immensely important to you. Let’s just say that the Volsungs are a race of gods that you have descended from. You are the last descendant of the gods, and we need you. The reason I am here giving you the ring of the Nibelungen is because us gods really, truly screwed up this time.