Awakening

"Go ahead."

"Your dislike of me is evident, and I believe it extends to my people. Why are you here?"

"Do your people have a military service?"

"Certainly."

"I am under orders. That is reason enough."

Cazamar was silent for a moment. "Yes. Reason enough. But I do not believe it is your only reason, Alicia."

Alicia sighed. "No, it is not my only reason. You're right, Cazamar. I don't like you. Or trust you. But my people respect life. There are living beings out there, and they could be in serious trouble. I have a duty to help them if I can. I don't think you understand that."

For the first time, she sensed surprise from him. "Why do you believe I would not understand that?" he demanded. "What cause have I given you for such belief? Tell me how I have offended you!"

Alicia shook her head wearily. "It is not so simple, Cazamar. You have done nothing to me personally. It is what you are. In my eyes, you are a hunter. A savage. Totally without remorse and without feeling. You take pleasure in pain."

"I am a hunter, yes. Not a savage. Why do you deny what you are, Alicia?"

Her eyes flashed. "Just what in the hell do you mean by that?"

Cazamar reached out and took her hand. Alicia was almost overcome by revulsion, and she had to fight an instinctive desire to snatch her hand away from him. He turned her hand over, examining it closely, then released it. "Forgive me," he said. "I have learned that your people do not like to be touched."

"Wrong, Cazamar. We touch a great deal. But you are not one of us."

"Ah. I understand. I will not touch you again. Alicia, look at your hand. Your fingernails were once claws. Your teeth were once sharper. There is fine hair where once fur grew. Now your claws and teeth are blunt useless, and you have the eyes of a grass eater. It was not always so. Why did you give up your strength?"

"We became civilized!"

"And so did we," Cazamar replied. "Once we preyed on each other and on other intelligence. It is no longer so."

"You forget," she said in a tone of deadly quiet. "I have seen you eat."

"Yes, I know," he agreed with maddening calm. "I regret that, but I did not know it would offend you as it did." He fell silent for a moment, searching for words in a language not his own. "Among my people, it is a point of honor to control our capacity for violence without giving up our abilities. You have chosen a military career. You must acknowledge that there are acceptable times and places for violence."

Alicia nodded. "In defense of ourselves or our loved ones of course. But you played with that little creature! You enjoyed the fear and the suffering!" She hesitated, regaining control of her anger and revulsion. "I have killed when I was forced to it. But I did not enjoy it."

Cazamar was silent for a long moment. "I think perhaps you lack an understanding of my cultural responses. I enjoyed testing myself, yes honing my speed and alertness, maintaining that edge that has kept me alive for the years I have lived. Do you not enjoy hard and difficult exercise?"

"My exercise harms no one!"

"But I have seen your exercise, Alicia! You train yourself in the arts of combat, do you not? And you enjoy the knowledge that you can kill if you must. I think perhaps we are not so very different.