Awakening

Perhaps you cannot believe this, but my enjoyment had nothing whatever to do with the suffering I caused. My kill, when I made it, was swift and clean. Is it the eating that distressed you so? The fact that my exercise ended in a meal?"

Alicia thought for a moment, then swallowed and nodded.

"I thought as much. All life must eat to survive. My body chemistry requires freshly killed raw meat. There is an elegance in my meat also providing my exercise. My people do not waste. Can you understand that?"

Alicia closed her eyes, controlling herself with an effort. "It sounds so damned reasonable when you say it! Yes, my mind can understand. But my stomach never will. I know what I saw, and nothing can ever change that."

Cazamar stared at her impassively. "Yes, you saw what you saw. Perhaps one day you will understand it."

"But what about me, Cazamar? When will it be me you decide to stalk?"

Cazamar drew a sharp breath, revealing his shock for a split second. "I have been a complete fool," he said softly. "Forgive me, Alicia. I did not understand." He turned to face her, turning her seat to face him, as well. In deference to her revulsion, he was careful not to let his soft finger pads touch her shoulder. "You are an intelligent being, more like a woman of my own people than you realize. When my people came out of the jungles of my world to build cities, we ceased to prey on one another. That is how we gained the stars. Now, that aversion is as much a part of our nature as our claws or teeth." He spoke lightly, with a faint trace of humor, but there was an underlying gravity to his words that drew her undivided attention. "Your flesh might well be plump and tasty, but I would miss our conversation. Even our conflict. I have enjoyed both."

In spite of herself, Alicia gave him a savage grin. "You'd find me tough and stringy, Cazamar. As well as a difficult kill, for all your size and your pride in your claws and teeth."

For the first time, she heard a trace of something like laughter in his tone. "Do not tempt me. Go and have your supper, Alicia. I will hold our ship to its course."

Alicia found she had a great deal to think about as she went below to heat her rations. Cazamar's words did make a sort of alien sense. But there was something else, something that had troubled her since their first meeting. Cazamar reminded her of something, something tantalizing and on the very edge of her memory. Something that would be very dangerous to her peace of mind if she allowed that memory to surface. She shivered and deliberately turned her thoughts in another direction.

"Tell me about your young ones," Cazamar said softly.

Alicia was startled. "Children?"

"You have what is your word? Teats?"

"Or breasts. Yes, of course. I'm female." What a bizarre conversation, Alicia thought.

"They do not bear milk for your offspring?"

She laughed in spite of herself. "Not just at the moment, no."

"But they are there. Perhaps your offspring are not yet born? Are you bearing young?"

"My God, no! If I were pregnant, I'd have a huge belly and be on light duty. I'm not even married, Cazamar. No plans, either."

"So. Not mated. I do not understand."

She shook her head. "Neither do I. All human females have breasts all their adult lives. They do get slightly larger during pregnancy, but your women are different?"

Cazamar stared at her in that disconcerting way of his. "Yes. Our females do not develop teats until late in gestation. They disappear when the young are weaned.