Just Before Dawn

The music on the stereo was much more obvious than the previous night, and I was glad of its company. Sitting alone, my mind wandered around the room, focusing first on the empty chair I longed to see filled, then on the silent, snow filled television set. Turning to the window I watched for a moment as another day finally came to a close, but just as I considered pulling the curtains and locking out the night, the day gave one last gasp and a single wineglass on the table burst in to life. The light of the evening hit the crystal and sent the sun shattering on the wall behind. I stood with the glass held high and turning it into the light, I began to see shapes and colours in a makeshift kaleidoscope and the more I watched, the more I saw, and the walls drew me in. The rotating glass surrounded me with ever growing vibrant colours circling on every wall, turning more and more rapidly until I felt myself being absorbed by the glass itself and the colour was me. Then the slightest of sounds disturbed me and broke the illusion. I started around, dropping the glass and sent it crashing. After the slight commotion, I ignored the smashed glass and it vanished, disappearing to the very back of my mind because what I saw made everything else seem truly insignificant. She was standing in the doorway as if someone had thoughtfully taken the time to frame a work of art.

I ran over and embraced her, almost knocking her over with my involuntary force, but she was cold and her arms remained at her sides. Her eyes held a different look tonight and no matter how much I tried they would not connect with mine. She had developed an arrogant demeanour and displayed it proudly. Returning only to gloat, she announced herself as the spider to my fly and enjoyed elaborating on the whole metaphor of having me trapped in her web. Every day she had become one step closer to her goal and I had been the blind optimist, constantly sharing my feelings with her and leaving myself open and completely unprotected. She smiled sweetly and softly, constantly reassuring me that everything would be okay, but with sarcasm, like she would burst out laughing if she tried to raise her voice.

I screamed at her angrily, shouting but still grasping at her, half in desperation, half in fury. How could she turn on me like this? Then, as the full realisation came over me, I slowly sank to my knees showing her the victory she seemed so proud of, my arms still around her but now limp, they rested on the wooden floor. I fell back against the wall, all but accepting defeat, my left hand dragging across the wood over what I thought was just a wooden splinter. As I winced at the sharp pain and looked down I realised it was a piece of the broken glass and my hand lay inches away from the shattered stem. My fist gripped the broken piece of glass and the most powerful emotion of complete rage raced from head to hand and back again. Breathing faster and faster, my head burning inside like a tornado whipping up every ounce of sense or reason. Squeezing the glass tighter and tighter, blood trickled down my arm and then I could take no more. I erupted, slashing and stabbing randomly in a mindless frenzy. All I could see was a red cloak over my eyes as I continued to thrust my clenched fist over and over again and the whole room spun around. I would have done anything to make that feeling go away. My attack slowed as the anger finally began to drain and with my breath returning to its normal rate, I slumped back to the wall, in exactly the same position prior to my explosion. My arms collapsed by my sides, palms up and I heard the broken glass stem fall from my sticky, bloodied hand and roll far across the room. As the stirring clouds in my head cleared, I became less enraged but a new pain burned inside me and I recoiled in agony.

Today A.M. (now)

The sun is starting over again and I haven't moved since I last saw it. The light is shining straight into my eyes but I can't even blink. Once more I see the sunbeams through the now shattered glass, but it can't separate the colours like before, every thread cast around the room bathes me in red. As I watch, patiently into the light the final irony is revealed to me. I can feel both the victim and the villain's pain, merging as one and hurting twice as much. The cold room leaves my legacy and for once everything is very clear. I can see one chair, one table, one glass, and one mirror and they are all humiliatingly obvious. My lust for happiness in a city that doesn't know me has been my final downfall.

The door behind me holds the key to the only possible saviour but the hope of seeing someone pass through it is fading fast. Even if someone came close I don't think I could muster a sound. Besides, no one has passed through that door in days and now it's getting dark.