That is the question

Well here I am. Sitting in a room with the shiny steel barrel of a gun stuck to my head. And who is the dastardly villain holding the gun you ask? That’s right, it’s me.

It’s a tricky decision to make this, and although I’m sitting here, cold steel pressed to head, you can never be one hundred percent sure that this is the best course of action. Now before you start, I know what you’re thinking. "Don’t do it! You’re life is worth so much. Don’t throw it all away!" Well, I’ve had my life professionally valued and it really isn’t worth all that much. Let’s just say no one’s going to be queuing up to buy shares.

Now I could sit here and tell you the terrible line of events that eventually brought me to this predicament, but you’ve probably heard them all before and the last thing I need is you feeling sorry for me. You all know the standard list anyway. Money, women, broken promises, drunken promises and all the usual headaches and heartaches you associate with them. So I’m going to save you my take on the downward spiralling sob story and talk a little bit about the good things in life. I bet you weren’t expecting to hear that from a deeply depressed man with the barrel of a gun up his nose.

Okay, I’m looking out of my window and I'm searching for something to make me feel that little bit better about myself. Something positive, because that’s what we’re after here folks, positive things. You never know, they might just outweigh the over bearing negatives. It could put things in a whole new perspective. Well firstly, it’s beautiful out there. The sun is glowing orange and is sitting low in the sky, shining through lush green trees which are swaying lazily in a mild evening breeze. Yes I know, that’s pretty lame. Positive, but not exactly a match winner, and besides, my house overlooks a busy road. Well not so much overlooks as is right next to. The constant rumbling of traffic can be heard over the television with its volume full up at ten and you can feel the house shake every time a lorry passes by. Sun or no sun, the view sucks.

A classic inclusion on to every male’s favourites list must be women. Now I know they come with a lot of problems and as a matter of fact these problems are part of the reason I’m in this situation, but as I said, we’re talking about positives, and oh my God they’ve got some great positives. Just off the top of my head, without even trying I can think of three really positive things about women. In fact, I’ve just thought of another one. Yes, I’d love to give that another go. I think any straight, red-blooded male would agree with me that there is nothing easier on the eyes than a beautiful woman. But then God dealt us that huge blow by making the most beautiful women, the most vindictive, self-centred and hateful creatures on the planet, and I have conclusive proof that this works on a sliding scale. But I guess that’s always going to be the way with woman. You’re never going to get one nice big positive, it’s always a mixture of ups and downs, and then just when you least expect it, wham! The biggest negative you’ve ever seen in your life.

I’m still staring out of this window, down on to the road with cars flying past in both directions.