That is the question

The pulling the trigger option only actually has the one downside, but what a downside.

I really do want to live, unfortunately the life I want doesn’t seem to be a viable alternative. It's a dismal feeling that I can say, and say with a degree of certainty, that I would not be missed. Lovers and friends have long since deserted me and the only people who care where I am would probably vote in favour of me going ahead with this. In fact, if I were to pull this trigger right now, the very people who find me and my brain decorating the back wall, would probably have been coming to do the very same thing to me anyway. Now that’s irony for you.

If only someone out there on the road could make this decision for me. It would be a case of counting to three and that’s it. No arguing, no deliberation, just get on with it. It could be that guy right there driving the blue truck or maybe her in the little red sports car. Well, maybe not her. She looks like a real bitch.

But then that's what I need. Someone who doesn’t know who I am or what I’ve done making a completely random choice. I've thought about this for so long I barely care about the outcome myself.

I feel about as small and insignificant as the little rabbit cowering by the side of the road, inches away from each deadly, speeding car tyre. He looks so helpless, like he wants to cross and make it to the other side, but has already admitted defeat.

Wait a minute. I think he’s actually going to give it a go. What are his chances? Well about as good as the rest of us. He doesn’t have a clue what’s round the bend for him either.

That’s it! That’s who can decide for me. The gun is at the side of my head and all eyes are on the bunny rabbit. If he goes, I go. If he makes it …so might I.