The Gift of Immortality

So, you want to be immortal? Or at least to live longer than 80 years without becoming decrepit or having to contend with deteriorating conditions we normally call, "getting old". Yes, the arthritis, heart troubles, what we call degenerative diseases. Not to mention dementia. If those dont eventually get us, theres always cancer.

Speaking as a person from Erda, here to find out if Earthlings are interested in long life, Ill make you an offer. Youll live three hundred years, give or take a few. Your body wont deteriorate or fall victim to "growing old". After three hundred years of Earth life, you will still look about forty. You mind will be sharp, capable of higher math or whatever. But I dont guarantee you will still hold to whatever political views you hold today. Are you ready to take my offer?

I can already see a few of you rushing forward to volunteer. But before you decide, its only fair that I provide full disclosure. People have toyed with the idea of immortality for thousands of years. Hollywood, who gave us "Highlander", paints a glowing picture of endless years. However Anne Rice who wrote of various vampires, and Gothic writers took a view, that endless years might not be all theyre cracked up to be. "The Wandering Jew", that medieval figure who, according to legend once laughed at Jesus, was condemned to wander until the second coming. His wanderings look more like punishment than a blessing. Each day he prays for death.

Two hundred years added to your present life will involve two hundred more years of daily vicissitudes. Todays wars and conflicts may be over, but dont count on it. Youll live to experience the effects of global warming. Youll have a larger family than you can imagine. Youll also live to see your friends and loved ones die. They may not care for the prospect of a long life.

How about your life relationships? Do you want to stay married to your spouse for more than two hundred years? I doubt that I would, no matter how perfect she might be. You could decide remain single. How many breakups and tons of angst are you ready to feel for three hundred years? You work it out.

Like the endless jokes involving St. Peter, a life of sitting on a cloud and contemplating the Almighty doesnt sound as interesting as the fun the devils have down below. But how do they handle the inevitable boredom? How many times in three hundred years can you listen to Madonna or Beethoven? How many new sexual positions can you come up with, so that the act doesnt get boring? Its all very well to plan to retire at age fifty-five, and live on the proceeds of an endless bull market for the remaining two hundred and fifty years. But its a heck of a long time to spend on the porch swing. All right, I see you have a long list of things youve always wanted to do, places to travel to and so on. Youd like to be an actress, composer, politician, scientist, world traveler, or whatever. But all I promised you was the same body you have now. No new talents. If youre tone deaf today youd better learn to live with it. Youre going to have a long life.

Im not trying to talk you out of immortality. But if you decide to take it, you need to know what youre getting into. Many people who took my offer ended up committing suicide between ages ninety and a hundred and twenty. The few who stuck it out for three hundred years --- certain strong individuals.

Without exception, the long lifers were incapable of being bored. They didn t have a lot of different hobbies, and most of them didnt travel a lot. In fact, they didnt create the impression of being very busy. They rarely showed any suffering, but felt everything they encountered very intensely. You never knew what to expect from them, what they were thinking or what they were going to say. You had to be careful before asking one out to a party. Yesterday, they quoted Rush Limbaugh, and today they might talk like leftist liberals. Its not that they dont know their minds, but they refuse to get stuck in any rut. Don t try getting a commitment out of one. Many were environmentalists, but only because they were going to live with the consequences of environmental change and pollution. There were few successful politicians.