They're Not My Knees!!

"Give us a bloody fag, I'm gasping!" the shorter of the two nurses exclaimed as she sank into the well-worn armchair in the staff room. Her companion nodded with unspoken understanding and handed her colleague the half-empty cigarette packet.

"Who was it this time then Bette?" she asked as she struck a match and held the flickering flame whilst Bette bent forward, cigarette in mouth.

The match guttered as she inhaled deeply and then let out a long drawn, smoke filled breath, which finally extinguished the brief halo of light that surrounded the two women in the darkened room.

"Mr.Jenkins again." Bette replied, "That's the third time tonight he's been out of bed, looking out of the bloody window."

Sheila shook her head, "He'll catch pneumonia the way he's going on, flashing lights on the lawn again I suppose?" she asked.

"Yes, all bloody week it's been flashing lights and the thing is he's started Maisy off on it now as well." replied Bette.

Sheila laughed..."They're not my knees..." she said in a croaky voice.

Bette looked at her and almost choked on the inhaled cigarette smoke.

"Shut up will you?" she gasped, "are you trying to do me in?" she slowly got her breath back.

"Two nights running now, that's all I've had from her...They're not my knees. She won't even get out of bed anymore to go to the toilet." Bette said flicking the ash from the cigarette behind the yellowing radiator. St.Peter's Old People's home could certainly benefit from a lick of paint...she thought.

"Aliens again?" asked Sheila, trying not to laugh.

"Sheila will you shut up!" gasped Bette; "You're trying to get this fag to choke me aren't you!"

The communication board interrupted their conversation with an insistent bleeping and Sheila reached over to respond to the call. She switched off the noise and turned to Bette, "Guess who wants us now?" she asked.

"Ohh I don't bloody well know...stop playing silly buggers. Who is it?" Bette replied, in no mood to play games.

"They're not my knees!" replied Sheila in a quiet, croaky voice, imitating ninety-year-old Maisy quite well.

"God..That's all I need is for her to start tonight again.." exclaimed Bette looking at the clock, "it's three o'clock, why doesn't she just go to bloody sleep, there's enough sedative in her evening cocoa to knock out a flipping horse, but Maisy? Noooo." She said rising from the chair.

"Hang on, I'll come with you," said Sheila, "should be good for a laugh!"

They walked down the darkened corridor to Maisy's room and entered the small cubicle that was her entire world and life.

The only time Maisy left the room was to go to the toilet and recently she didn't even do that, not since she was abducted by aliens.

Maisy was sitting up in bed as the two nurses entered, before either of them could chastise her she blurted out. "I've been with them again tonight you know...they've shown me things. They've done things to me too.. But.." Before she could finish Sheila interrupted. "They're not my knees?" she asked holding her stomach and looking at Bette who glowered back.

"Yes love..." Maisy replied, "They're not my knees."

"What do you want Maisy?" demanded Bette who was beginning to get annoyed.

"Well, I need the bed pan Bette." said Maisy sheepishly.

Bette sighed loudly, "Maisy, there are no pans clean at the moment you'll just have to go to the toilet like before." And she dragged the giggling Sheila out of the room with her.

They were almost back in their own room when they heard the crash, for an instant they looked at each other, "Maisy!" they both cried out before running back down the corridor to the old woman's room.

They burst into the little cubicle and found Maisy struggling to get up off the floor. Horror filled the faces of the two nurses as they watched the old woman try to get to her feet; she looked up at the dumbstruck nurses.

"I told you, look..." the old woman said as she tried to balance on her spindly legs and raised her night gown to show them? A pair of perfectly formed knees... that, unfortunately, bent the wrong way! "Bloody aliens, I told you...THEY'RE NOT MY KNEES!"