Life Or Death

Now are the days when sleep itself has become a scare commodity and lying on the lawn would only result in my wife calling out to remind me that the gardener hasn’t come in for the last week.

But suicide would result in a lot of problems for my family whom I love dearly. The shock, social stigma and of course the loss of the provider to the family would be much too harsh on them. "Maybe I should contract someone and get myself murdered." I think to myself, "That way my family will get millions in insurance money and it will look like a terrible tragedy to the rest of the world."

My mind was made up. I spoke to some truck drivers and by their reference went out and found a guy called Sunny Baba. His mustache was scary enough to put the fear of God in me as he stared at me with his bloodshot eyes.

"So you are giving me 50,000 bucks to get yourself killed?" he asked with less surprise than I had expected.

"Yes", I replied. " I ask only that you shoot me in the head at point blank range, and on a Thursday that way I can avoid the weekly staff meeting. I’ll give you 25,000 now and the rest you can recover from my car after shooting me."

"Pardon my asking," said Sunny Baba’s thin scrawny sidekick, "but wouldn’t it be easier for you to quit your job and divorce your wife?"

"Hell, no" I exclaimed "What would people think of me if I did that?"

"Its really much easier this way", I added as an afterthought.

Luckily Sunny Baba didn’t care too much about who he knocked off as long as he was making some moolah. The deal sealed, I came back home and began to do all the things I wanted to do before I died.

I put all the property, insurance and bank papers into a file and showed my wife where they were kept, I took three days off work and spent time with my kids, walked the dog, and surprised my parents with gifts. I even called up a really old ex girlfriend who I hadn’t had the nerve to call for years and was surprised at how happy I was to hear that she’d settled well and was happy, now living in the UK. I felt that I was ready to say goodbye.

I wore my favorite shirt, put on extra cologne and took extra long to hug my wife and kids before leaving the house. As I pulled my silver Honda Accord out of the driveway, I began to get cold feet. My life went into flashback mode as I remembered holding my sons for the very first time, the romantic honeymoon I’d had with my wife in Kathmandu and even the employee of the year award I had received when I was younger.

"This whole thing is ridiculous", I said to myself and drove the car back into the house, deciding that I’d just call the whole thing off the moment I get home.

Just then, my wife began to scream from the balcony. "Arjun’s fallen off the chair and his nose is bleeding. Thank God you’re still here. We need to rush him to the hospital." I was in a daze as we lifted Arjun up and put him on the back seat of the car. I began driving to the hospital and was completely unaware that I was now standing at the very intersection that Sunny Baba and I had decided on for the event. "Keep your windows up," I said to my wife scared now at the very prospect of what may happen.