Sir Bob Wires

Sod all"

"Did you get more parts offered to you?"

"Not an-o-ther one."

"What did you do?"

"I still had the spr-ay pa-int bus-i-ness. Put that up for hock and got a loan. Got some mo-bile cap-a-bil-i-ties fitted. Star-ted loking at de-sign-ing my own sets. Then I saw this old box of tools down one of the flea mar-kets near the ca-nal."

"And that helped you?"

"In-deed. Could build any-thing my-self. Even my-self/"

"You said you ..never got any parts. What were you doing with yourself?"

"Look-ed for some-thing else."

"Where?"

"Pub. Where else? Where else are dreams dis-cuss-ed? Talk-ed about? Let them be known o the wor-ld. And the more we drank, the more clea-rer they be-came. Then some-one call-ed our bluff."

"How?"

"Ea-sy. Show me how to chan-ge the wor-ld, they cri-ed. And they did in-deed cry when we tri-ed to chan-ge the wor-ld. E-spec-ial-ly when they so-ber-ed up."

"Change the world? In what way?"

"Don't re-mem-ber at the time. E-very-bod-y was drunk at the time. But, from what I ga-ther. The wor-ld was a-bout to see som-ething new. Well, it had been done be-fore. But it was new to us. We form-ed a the-a-tre group. Our Own Com-pany. Why not? No-body would come near us. We used to ga-ther in my shed after drin-king hours and pe-ople star-ted wri-ting the first things that came into their heads."

"After drinking in the pub?"

"Of coarse. Bu-gger the Bard and the good Mr. Strind-burg. Fuck them and their, Na-tur-al-is-tic Re-al-is-mus. This is how it's done. Raw. In the fle-sh. The sound of real toi-lets. Throw-ing up. Some-body ne-ver shat for three days. We set up four cam-er-as Then gave the star a doze of some-thing. I su-ppli-ed it. It was dem-o-cra-tic. We a-greed he drink it. Ma-jor-ity vote. Six to one. Most of it al-mo-st lan-ded in the pan. You don't want to show it on a show like this."

"I'll take your word for that. How long did this go on for?"

"A-bout six mon-ths. Went on the road tou-ring.. I chan-ged sets while the o-the-rs ac-ted. Then I was spo-tted. In the pub. Where else? Do-ing im-prov after hours in this po-key li-ttle place in E-dinb-urgh. Had this rou-tine. Ac-tors would walk a-round the room, and I'd turn into bits of fur-ni-ture Be-came the qui-ckest cha-ir to ta-ble chan-ge in show-biz."

"Do you think that could be the reason you played so many different type of parts. Such a wide variety of characters?"

"Poss-ibly. More to do with, mo-ney more like it. Then some-one came up to us af-ter we fin-ish-ed.."

"Bingo night again?"

"Ve-ry good. Some-one who ac-tu-ally wan-ted my ser-vi-ces."

"This would have been, Sir Dudley Pear-Shaped? I take it?"

"Or just pla-in old Fat-Arse as he was known at then. As-ked us to come a-long to his show. Went a-long. Could-n't make head nor tail of it. Some ob-scure South Am-er-ican thing, spok-en back-wards. Then we had an-oth-er talk."

"About performing?"

"A-bout drin-k mos-tly. Ne-ver saw him a-gain a-fter that. Un-til I got this call. Sur-prise, sur-prise. It was old Fat-Arse a-gain. Was do-ing this un-der-wa-ter ver-sion of A-lice in Won-der-land for the bli-nd. Wan-ted me to play the part of the mi-rror."

"Which you took "

"Not right a-way. Had a prob-lem with my name. There was a-no-ther per-for-mer ca-lled SPU-750c. So, I chan-ged it. The rest it his-tor-y. As they say."

"The rest, is history as they say. You appeared in many small parts; The Removal Van, Warehouse, A Place in the Attic, to name but a few. But your first major role was as Kelpy, the grey seal in Von Pictuur's epic, The Beach House.