The Hottest Guy I Ever Went Out With

Okay, so like, this is just a dumb assignment for my English class. My teacher, Mrs. Orkney, wants me to tell a true story about myself, but then you'd know that 'cause you're probably Mrs. Orkney or one of my friends. It's taken me a while to think of what to write about, but I think my story will be about this one guy I met at a party.

Okay, so I was at this party which sucked so bad. All right, my best friend was throwing it, so I couldn't tell her, but it did. The music was a bunch of gay "tunes" from the '80's, the snacks were all Sun Chips which suck, and the worst part was she invited all her geeky Mormon friends. Losers! I could, like, offer one of them a freakin' bottle of Dr. Pepper and they'd be like, "No, I'm a Mormon and can't have caffeine." Then they'd fly away on their little gossamer wings or something. Yuck.

Anyway, so I was at this party and there was this guy. He wasn't some ordinary guy, he was, like, deep. He had jet black hair (in my journal I said it was totally raven-colored, but that sounds a little corny doesn't it?) and he was like wearing all black. How hot is that!

So this guy totally just walked up to me and you know what he asked me? He said, "so, you're one of Stephanie's friends?" I was so not cool after that, I just sort of mumbled something about how I was surrounded by Mormons. He was so awesome, though! He just laughed and asked me if I wanted to take a walk with him. Um, yeah!

And then I was outside, walking with this hot guy in the moonlight, which is like every girl's dream! We walked to this little lake and sat down on one of the benches. He was telling me about how he was in college (I couldn't believe it; I was just a stupid high school sophomore going out with a guy in college!) So anyways, Tobias (that's his name) was totally a gentleman and walked me home by ten o'clock (that's the curfew my dorky parents gave me, uck) and he just asked me for my number. All right, so half of me was saying "oh, what a nice guy!" and the other half was saying "just kiss me, you fool!" but I just played it cool. I thought to myself, he'll never resist my charms.

It didn't take long for his resistance to wear off. We were totally making out in his apartment every day (but we never went, um, beyond making out, if any of you pervs want to know). Oh my gosh, Tobias was so hot.

There was only one thing wrong with this guy; he was way too into sun block. He was like the palest guy I've ever seen, which made his brown eyes look way spooky sometimes, and whenever I got close to him too long I totally choked on the smell of his sun block. I asked him about it once and he said that he had "poryphobia" or something like that.

So anyways, he took me out a lot at night. We'd go to the mall and see the late showings of movies; Tobias thought horror flicks were funny. I never did get that.