The Way to Freedom

I was fond of this man, in the way that a human woman is fond of younger siblings if she has them-which I never did, in a natural sense. But eight months of being stranded together on 8055 had forged bonds among the three of us, Cranshaw and Tasker and me, that went far beyond a team's normal comradeship.

I meant that it was wonderful for him, of course, since he must want it or he wouldn't have applied. I'd never had the slightest interest in becoming a sector boss, or anything else that was higher on the food chain than team leader. Even that title my beloved Marc hadn't cared to wear except once, temporarily and disastrously-so being elevated to the role of "team leaders' boss" had never entered my husband's mind, most likely. But Marc was an anthropologist by training, not an ex-Marine like me or a former military pilot like Tasker. So even leading the team had, to him, been nothing but a distraction. He'd become an op so he could study alien (and estranged human) cultures. He didn't give a damn about anything else, and he'd adjusted so nicely to retirement only because my Grandmum's old university gladly took him on as a member of its faculty, soon after I dragged him home with me.

I wished I could say I'd settled in just as fast and just as well, but for me it was a whole lot harder. There wasn't much for me to do at first except finish gestating Keren. And after that (of course!) bear her, suckle her, and mother her, during the early years when caring for a small human can easily manage to be an adult's full-time job. I'd had a tough time letting go of my daughter, to my chagrin, when she got big enough so that she needed to spend much of every day at school.

I finally went to work teaching classes in both self-defense and wilderness survival, for a privately run "organized recreation" school. I found it satisfying, because I realized my work might spare other people's loved ones from getting the kind of news I'd received after Grandmum's fatal climbing mishap. But the job really wasn't enough to fill all the places in my life that Marc and Keren didn't occupy.

Okay. Time to be honest! I hated why I was about to leave my life on Rigel 5 behind, but part of me couldn't help feeling relieved and excited about it. Even though I must go back, instead, to 8055-taking along every single fellow being about whom I cared, into a setting where I knew we would be in constant danger-I still wanted to do this. Now that I'd got past the first shock of realizing it could happen, I was growing fiercely glad that it must.

"Yeah. I suppose it's wonderful." Tasker's arms came up to return my embrace, but he did it perfunctorily. I'd hugged him in spontaneous joy on other occasions, so I knew how to read his reaction today. After a few seconds he held me at arm's length instead, and stared into my face while he said what he'd been wanting to all along. "I didn't volunteer to go upstairs, Nora. The higher-ups kicked me there, and I had to either accept it or get done."

"Why?" Marc asked the question before I got my mouth open again.

"Same reason I've been told to take a nice, long rest. The last mission I led...well, it broke me. That's also why Reiko's on leave from her practice." Rudy's full lips twisted as he answered Marc, but went right on staring into my eyes. "Don't get me wrong.