Testament of a Starving Artist

David,

The first thing I need to say is; don't be sad when you read this. This isn't the end for me, but rather a new beginning. Hopefully by the time you finish this you'll believe that. I've sealed this letter in an envelope marked with your name and I can't even begin to stress the words: "For your eyes only." Don't go out into the world after you read this as a person who "has seen the light" and start preaching and using this letter as your bible. The fact of the matter is; people just don't want to hear that shit. People's minds weren't meant to be changed and they'll no doubt remain stubborn to your words. Don't ruin your whole life over these facts, but live it in enjoyment because now you can finally rest assure that there is life after death and there's a beginning waiting for you at the end. Let all those other people figure that out on their own.

I'm sitting here at my kitchen table writing in a little notebook which I originally intended to be a journal. Well, I bought it two years ago and over that span of time I've managed two entries and it's been sitting in my magazine rack until now. It will serve its purpose even if it's in a way I never dreamed of.

I'm imagining the thoughts of bafflement that must be going through your head right now. You most likely walked into my apartment when nobody answered to your knock. You would walk into my bedroom and see that I'm lying on my bed. It wouldn't take you long to deduce that I'm no longer alive, considering the fact that you're a doctor. You probably walked out of my room in shock towards my phone and saw the envelope with the name David written in big block letters across its front. This isn't a suicide letter, which I'm sure has crossed your mind. After all, my life is a big pile of shit right now and it wouldn't be that hard to name off reasons to end my life. My wife is dead for one thing, killed in a tragic car accident which has robbed me of happiness. I had always dreamed as a kid of writing "the great American novel" and what do I have to show for it? I've written four books and only two have been accepted for publishing, and of those two, both of them remain stratospheres away from the bestseller's li st. So to sum all this up into a few words; I'm a failed writer; a person who always dreamed of blowing out Shakespeare, but can't even out- do Dr. Seus. But despite all these hardships, I'm leaving this world as naturally as God can take me. The only resemblance to a suicide letter this note carries is the fact that it's a goodbye. I wish I could wave to you but all I can leave is my love.

I guess I owe you an explanation to all this. I don't expect you to try to piece it together by yourself or get one of your buddies to waste time with an autopsy. All the report would say anyway is that I went into respiratory arrest.

David, I saw my wife today. She was living and breathing just as if she wasn't taken by that truck.

I'm getting ahead of myself though. I have to tell you how she appeared to me.

I think I told you a few times in emails about the new novel I'm writing. Good Guys Can Win, is the title and it's something that has given me hope, for it is the best piece of writing I've ever composed. And what makes it extraordinary is the fact that I'm writing it longhand.