Testament of a Starving Artist

You don't want love to become a disappointment because you've found something better. I moved over to her and enwrapped her with my arms. My lips went first to her neck, then on to her tears, and then finally settled on her mouth. I know this sounds really corny but my tears actually began to mix with hers.

It didn't take long for the "kissey kissey" part of me to lose interest. The male function of me had already begun to notice the feel of her body against mine and thoughts that weren't so clean entered my mind. I opened my eyes to see hers squinting back at me.They weren't open enough for me to be able to sense any need in them, but I made an assumption. I pulled myself away from her far enough for me to reach down and undo my belt. I hadn't even finished unbuckling it before she put her hand over mine and stopped me.

"No," she whispered.

"No?" I replied, bewildered. I thought perhaps I had missed something here.

"I can't."

"Why not?" I felt like a teenager coaxing my date in the back seat of a car. I never thought that I would have to pressure my wife into any sexual behavior.

"I'm too pure for that now." This didn't make sense to me but I didn't push it. I guess this means that once I die it really is like being reborn and replenishing all purity. My heart beat immediately began to slow, and my body cooled down.

"Come into the kitchen with me," she said and walked off without waiting to see if I obeyed her request.

On her way there she wrapped herself in a quilt that was lying on one of my old couches and I was grateful and sorrowful at the same time. She pulled one of the kitchen chairs out and I followed suit. We both sat down in unison. When she started talking, she was quick to the point, and didn't dabble off in romantic fancies.

"I want you to join me in Afterlife," she burst out quickly. I got the idea that she feared rejection.

"When you say afterlife, you mean Heaven?" I replied.

"Yes I guess you could say that."

I looked at her beautiful face and I wondered why she had even bothered asking. She was the girl that I loved, she had been the reason for living. The only reason I had remained breathing after she died was because of the superstition that if I committed suicide I would have gone to Hell, and then I would never see Carol again.

"How do you propose I do this?" I had actually began to feel curious about all this. They weren't kidding when they said the lord works in mysterious ways.

"It's simple. I'll take your life away in your sleep." I watched her pleading eyes and it made me grin.

"And this is okay with the big guy upstairs?" I asked teasingly.

She started giggling after I said this. A man is usually at his funniest when he's in ignorance.

"Boy, do you have a lot to learn. I'm gonna have fun with you up there."

Well, fun is definitely all right with me, considering it's something I've lacked for the past year.

* * *

Well Dave, there it all is. There isn't going to be any grand finale or a TO BE CONTINUED. I'll be dead by the time you read this so there's no way for me to tell you how it all turned out until you come up and join me. You're my only brother and the last person on this Earth that I truly loved, and that is why I regret leaving you. But you have a wife and family of your own so you can move on with your life and you won't have me to drag you down any longer. But before I go though, let me mention a few things that happened after my conversation with my wife.

When she finished speaking, she proposed that we go lay down so we could fall asleep as soon as possible. Well for me it was the sooner the better, but I told her that I had to do a few things first. I didn't say what they were but I think she knew anyway. She's laying in there right now, waiting for me to join her.

After she left the room, I went over to my computer and wrote you an email asking you to lunch for the next day. I also said in it that my alarm was broken so if I didn't answer to your knock, then that meant that I was still asleep and you could let yourself in. After that I composed a short will assigning you as the sole heir to my vast fortunes ( Ha, Ha). I know I didn't have a witness for it but you shouldn't have too much trouble getting it passed. Finally, after all was done, I sat down to write this long letter, which I'm ending pretty soon. Before I go, I just want to say that I love you and I'll always be watching over you. And please, don't spend too much on my funeral because you know how much of a cheap ass I am. Well, I'm prolonging the inevitable. Bye.

Love, Jonathan.