The Godz of Earth

Normally, I leave banks alone, but timez were tight and nothin else wuz workin.

I found a railroad bank in a dirtwater town and bird-dogged it for a week. It looked to be an eazy mark and I wuz dreamin of takin a long rest when I finished this up. Things were goin well, the safe wuz almost cleaned out when everything fell apart. Some old feller come by the bank and caught a look at me in there. I put him down before he could start hollerin, but it wuz too late, the sheriff come bustin out of the jailhouse with a shotgun in his handz. I put one between his eyez and rode out fast. It’s bad luck to kill a lawman, so I figgered I better lay low sumairz until things weren’t so het up.

I remembered that kid and his bible so I got me some preachin cloze and started callin myself Revrind. If I’da known how eazy the preachin thing wuz, I would never have touched that bank. I could just ride up into some town and commence to hootin and hollerin about God and they would come a runnin to hear "the good word".

The folkz liked the show so much they’d be fightin for the privilege of havin me over to supper, the lozers gave me money. I got mighty comfortable with this lookout, so I just stayed a preacher as long as I could.

My luck ran like the other side of a broken mirror, I lived in gravy for seven years and then it turned real bad.

I wuz runnin a tent revival in scrub country. It wuz a whinin-wind night, everyone wuz a bit loco and the revival wuz runnin hot. I wuz at the come-down-and-get-reborn part and it wuz a packed house. I wuz screamin myself horse, castin out demonz and healin all manner of ailmints when this feller laid handz on me.

I thought he wuz lookin fer a healin or castin so I took hold of his head and commenced to jabberin, "Heal... heal... out you demon of illness... leave this vessel!" Welp, sometimez them demonz get pretty fiesty, the ole boy sure wuz gettin rough with me. "Out you demon spirit," I wuz screamin into his face when he clocked me.

I woke up in a mizerble cell in some ditchweed town. I put on my best preachin voice and hollered out, "What bringz me to such a place, good man?" A voice called back, "Can the sweet talk, therez a five hunnert doller reward on yer head."

Damn... that bank job.

I slept fer a while, studyin up on the problem. I hollered out, "They tryin me here?" The voice hollered back, "Marshall's comin fer ya." I nodded to myself... it gave me a chance. He came the next night.

We grabbed a bite to eat then he shackled me to my horse. We headed west through that night and into the next day. At sunset he started castin about fer a campsite.

When we finished up the last of the joe he shared off a shot of whiskey and shackled me fer the night. I bedrolled up and went to sleep... the moon wuz down when I woke up. I wuz halfway across the river when I felt a kick to the back of my head.

As I watched the red flow I thought, "Reward must be dead or alive..."

I woke up in a room full of light, felt like a doctorin place. I lay low waitin fer someone to show. After a long bit I hollered out, "Where am I?"

I started dreamin about bein a kid.