Conquering My Fears

Too bad, Sel and I were no more in touch, because I needed her like I never needed her before. I wished she would come back but of course, she didn’t. I also wished I had agreed to marrying her. She would have been on my side today. I was left to fight my fear on my own. I sat in the dark moping at my misfortune for sometime and then on an impulse, called up Jim. He had been helpful the first time. I was hoping he would be of help this time as well.

Jim was only too happy to hear from me. He agreed to come over to meet me that very evening. After a very long time, as far back as I could remember, I saw a ray of hope and was looking forward to meeting Jim.

When I opened the door to Jim, he mistook me for a stranger and when I told him it was me, the look on his face was that of pain, concern and fear, all rolled in one. After the preliminary greetings, he sat down and I told him my problem.

It was while we were discussing my problem that I saw Jim’s confidence and my lack of it. I remembered he used to be called a wimp and here I was, with less to show for myself than this wimp. I suddenly, was overcome with revulsion for myself, and an irrational but extreme anger towards Jim. I asked him to leave because I was scared of what I would do to him if he stayed back. He scampered away and I ticked off one more person I could turn to for help, from my list.

I began to ponder over what Jim had told me. He had said that I was displaying signs of insanity and that I should start going to my shrink again. I was appalled by that. The temerity of that wimp! To suggest that I was losing my mind! I mused over events of the recent past and realised that I was indeed behaving abnormally. That shook me and I knew that my fear of blindness was the sole reason for my current state. I wrecked my brains for a solution to this problem, a path to deliverance. After some thought, I made my decision. I decided that I would have to employ the same tactics as I had earlier, to get rid of my other fear.

I would have to confront it.

Over the next two days, I thought of various ways of confronting my fear. All seemed inadequate. Finally, I hit upon an idea, which I thought was good enough and would be effective as well. But I would need the help of a doctor for that.

As one would know, in order to become an Ophthalmologist, I had to first acquire a doctorate in General Medicine and then take up further specialisation. Well, I was a qualified doctor, wasn’t I? I could deal with the ‘doctor’ end too. I called up the local hospital pharmacy and ordered for a couple of bottles of a local anaesthetic, some disinfectant, cotton and a set of syringes.

After they were delivered, I went to the guest room. The same room where my first fear had been taken care of. Then, I had people to help me. Now, I had to help myself.

This time, I took a couple of swigs off the Whiskey bottle before I could embark upon my adventure. Not that my nerves needed steadying. It was just a continuation of the drinking spree that had begun in the morning, like any other day.