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 Columbus Who?  (4 ratings)by Alairic Seruthsson Page 2 of 2 The warrior got swiftly to his feet. He turned to the crowd (he was obviously a figure of authority) and addressed them in language strange to Sigurd. He sensed the chief was saying something along the lines of, "I did that on purpose". The crowd began to form up in two parallel lines stretching from Sigurd’s stake to a bubbling cauldron over the fire. Clubs, spears, and whippy sticks bristled among them. By gestures and grunts, the chief made Sigurd understand that he was to run between the lines, while being struck, and reach the fire. By grunts and gestures Sigurd made the chief understand that there was no way in Odin’s ice cold Hél that Sigurd was going to run that way. The chief shrugged and drew his knife. Sigurd signified he had meant there was nothing he’d like better than to run down those lines. He was untied. Picking up the ring, Sigurd prepared to run faster than he ever had before. The ring’s magic again enhanced his steps, and Sigurd disappeared, then reappeared fifty yards inside the enemy lines, near the chief’s position. The crowd gasped. The chief was the only one who took a whack at Sigurd before he made it to the fire. Sigurd, angry, plucked a steaming squash from the boiling stew and teleported back to the chief. He stuffed the piping hot gourd down the warrior’s fur shirtfront and ran out of the village as the man fell down screaming. Then, suddenly, as the sentries on the border of the camp started swinging down from trees, a group of men stepped out of the bushes in front of Sigurd, and spoke. "We come in peace, good people!" he shouted, "We will not- by Baldur’s toenails! It’s Sigurd Sigmundsson!" Dashing past the newcomers, Sigurd yelled, "Not now, Leif, gotta run!" When Leif Ericsson and his band of Vikings caught up with Sigurd, he was all the way back at the coast, where Leif’s longship was pulled up on the shore. "Leif Ericsson! Odin’s eyeballs, you’re the last man alive I would have thought to see here in this godsforsaken place- wherever here is!" "What’re you doing here, Sigurd? I thought you were up north hunting ice bears, by Thor! Do you need a ride home?" "Leif, I would like nothing better than to place as much salt water between myself and those barbarians as is possible. What are you waiting for?" Back on the ship, Leif revealed that they had been on an undiscovered continent far West of Greenland. He said he had thought to call it America, but that was a dumb name, so he settled for Leifland. Sigurd asked him, "What will those savages be called? Leiflanders?" "I think I’ll call them Indians when I write my memoirs." "Why Indians? I prefer Leiflanders." Leif shuddered. "Doubtless because you weren’t stuck with this name all your life. Actually, I thought Indians was a good name; it just popped into my head. People will probably say that I thought I was in India or something, but that can’t be helped." The Viking longship rowed swiftly toward the setting sun, towards home. "Uh, Leif? We’re going the wrong way..." Leif muttered something and turned the rudder. Sigurd sensed he was saying something along the lines of, "I did that on purpose".
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