Lester's Head

Marta Garcia, his housekeeper, woke up when she heard Lester scream. She quickly showered, tossed on her clothes and started dusting the house. Bits of dust flew through the air and sparkled as the sun rose. The sky was cast in a soft shade of pink. As she entered the study, she noticed that Lester was pacing. She wondered how long he had paced this time. "Why doesn't he go running instead of wearing down the carpet and everyone else," she thought .

Her movement distracted him. He screamed "Pum..ppp.kinnn!" Marta noticed that, as he screamed, dust particles scattered in the air. She thought they too must be afraid.

He barked a frustrated command, "What are you waiting for? Carve the damned pumpkins."

Marta jumped, dropped her dust cloth and ran to the kitchen as nervous chills went running down her spine. At the kitchen counter, she stared at the dozen pumpkins, imagining the faces she would carve. She saw whimsical faces with goofy grins and ghoulish faces with frowns and long oblong eyes...

Marta wondered why Mr. Franklin wanted a dozen pumpkins carved and ready for Halloween. "He is alone. There are no children in the house." Afraid that Mr. Franklin would start yelling at her at any moment for not carving the pumpkins sooner, she quickly wielded the butcher knife as though it was her weapon against the storm of Mr. Franklin's words. Brutally, she began to cut, making jagged edges with each swipe of the butcher knife until angry, menacing faces were carved into each pumpkin...

* * *

Lester's smiling head floated on his web site, which gave it a warm, personal touch. The head was that of a white, middle aged male, with brown 'bedroom' eyes, a warm inviting smile and black hair, graying on the sides. People felt they were talking to a real person who cared about them. Lester's Head had the capacity to absorb mass venting. In the background of each input screen, his smiling head was there in each step of the process, encouraging people to share more and more personal and painful stressors in the comfort of their homes, as though he was their invited guest.

People loved it. They spilled their guts about every conceivable stressor imaginable. And each time they did, Lester's Head learned more about them, for Lester's Head would only accept their confessional if they revealed something new about themselves.

As the masses flocked to Lester's Head, he gained access to viewers favorite songs, their favorite cologne, who they first had sex with, what they did in third grade, who they were married to, what college they attended, if they cheated on a test, who they voted for, who they worked for, how much they earned, what they owed the bank -- and on and on the database grew. All the data that was divulged was sworn to secrecy with the strictest confidentiality and privacy statement, and disclaimers -- which nobody read. The disclaimers stated, "...all data collected at Lester's Head will be used solely for promotional purposes. Lester's Head will not be held liable for the consequences of Lester's Head promotional activities or future marketing activities."

The viewers knew that each time they revealed a little something about themselves it was sucked into Lester's brain. They were okay with this arrangement because they felt purged of their stress. It did not matter to them that the super computer remembered it all.

If they screamed across the keyboard in all caps, "I have the boss from hell", their transcript would be saved and mailed to them at their place of business. This no doubt proved embarrassing for the large firms that had secretaries who opened all the mail.