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 Method for Defense against Scorpions  (4 ratings)by Fernando Sorrentino Page 2 of 2 Now I'd like to indulge in a short digression in order to relate an anecdote, enlightening in itself, concerning an incident that happened to me some days ago and in which, without intending to do so, I played a heroic role, if I say so myself. It was lunch time. As usual I found the table covered with scorpions; the silverware, covered with scorpions; the stove, covered with scorpions... With patience, with resignation, with my eyes averted, I gradually pushed them off and on to the floor. Since the struggle against the scorpions consumes the greater part of my time, I decided to fix myself a fast meal: a few fried eggs. There I was, eating them, every so often pushing aside some particularly bold scorpion that had climbed up on the table or that was walking on my knees when, from the ceiling, an especially vigorous and robust scorpion fell - or jumped - into my plate. Petrified, I dropped my knife and fork. How was I to interpret that behavior? Was it merely a chance occurrence? An attack on my person? A test? I remained perplexed for some instants. . . What were the scorpions' intentions toward me? Being a seasoned soldier in the battle against them, I understood immediately. They wanted to force me to modify my method of defense, to make me decidedly shift to the offensive. But I was very sure of the effectiveness of my strategy; they would not succeed in tricking me. With repressed rage I saw the scorpion's thick, hairy legs splashing in the eggs, I saw its body becoming impregnated with yellow, I saw the venomous tail waving in the air like a shipwrecked sailor calling for help... Objectively considered, the scorpion's death struggle constituted a beautiful spectacle. But it made me a bit nauseous. I almost bungled, it; I thought of tossing the contents of the plate into the incincerator. Still, I have a great deal of will power and managed to restrain myself in time. If I had not, I would have earned the abhorrence and the reproof of the thousands upon thousands of scorpions which, with renewed suspicion, were watching me from the ceiling, the walls, the floor, the stove, the lamps... Then they would have had a pretext to consider themselves under attack and who knows what could have occurred. I steeled myself and, pretending not to notice the scorpion that was still struggling in my plate, I ate it distractedly together with the egg and even mopped the plate with a crust of bread in order not to leave even one bit of scorpion and egg. It turned out to be not as repugnant as I had feared. just a trifle acid perhaps, but that sensaition might have been due to the fact that my palate was still unaiccustomed to the ingestion of scorpions. With the last mouthful I smiled with satisfaction. Later it occurred to me that the scorpion's shell, tougher than I would have liked, might cause me indigestion so, delicately, in order not to offend the rest of the scorpions, I drank a glass of Alka Seltzer. There are other variants of this method but, and this is the crux of it, it is necessary to remember that it is essential to proceed as if one were unaware of the presence - better yet, the existence - of the scorpions. Even so, I am now assaulted by some doubts. I think the scorpions have begun to realize that my attacks are not accidents. Yesterday, when I dropped a pot of boiling water on the floor, I noticed that, from the refrigerator door, some three or four hundred scorpions were observing me rancorously, suspiciously, reprovingly. Maybe my method too is destined to fail. But, for now, I cannot think of any better method of defending myself from the scorpions.
Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2001 Fernando Sorrentino, sffworld.com. All rights reserved. No part of this may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the author. The author has submitted the work in accordance with and in agreement with the following Submission Guidelines. |
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