Soldier

The place seemed closer now, like the talk about the darkness and all the truths revealed had somehow brought the ghosts in from the cold, and now they clustered around them, eager to hear their tales.

John leveled his eyes at Russell, now it was becoming clearer, and the more he learned, the more he needed to know, just as Russell said he had been all those years ago. "So how do you find out how strong you are?" He said as he leaned in, jostling with the ghosts. "How do you find your balance?"

Russell whispered as he finished his beer, he tone became ceremonial, something more akin to recital than to direction. "That is what I want to begin to show you."

The two of them left, and Russell told John they would meet the next day. Unlike that day all those years ago however, Russell arrived right when he said he would. Russell began to show John how people with their gift could change things. John learned how to use his own mind to do extraordinary things. All of these things were overcome by his need for definition and in the end, he knew, that he was only one that could give himself that. When Russell finally decided to leave, the two of them had come to an understanding. Any resentment that John still harbored had been redeemed. They finally understood one another. John realized that what he had been shown was small compared to the purpose he had been given, his only disobedience to Russell's wishes, was the keeping of his journal, which he used to remember all those who had shaped his life, and gave him purpose.

Second Entry:

Februrary 6th, 1995

Over the weeks that followed Russell and I met just like we did in the past. I still went to work but it was more out of routine than anything else. When I lost my job at the end of the year I didnt even notice. Russell was right, somehow I still found my way through life, for some reason the things I needed seemed to be there when I needed them. I felt somehow peaceful now, and allowed myself a glance outside of the life that I had been leading for over 60 years. The world had changed, it had damn near turned upside down. Almost like a picture that is slowly brought into focus I looked for the first time on the modern world. And it was horrifying. I concentrated more and more on what Russell was showing me, but it was dizzying, like being inducted into something unbelievably vast and incomprehensible. I soon was able to accomplish the things that Russell had shown me and much more. I had begun discovering my boundaries. I learned that we had the power to change the fabric of the world around us, but not much further than that. We could for instance fill our glasses with beer, or even someone else's but not the whole room. Our framework was based off of both ingrained belief and something deeper and more inherant to the way people behave. Their patterns became glaringly obvious, the same things day in, day out. They seemed like machines. It was these patterns, Russell explained, that Gustav had showed him years and years before, and though there have been numerous variations on them they are basically the same. Instead of reaching for eyeglasses in the morning, its contact lenses, and inside of your briefcase, its your laptop. Same things, different casing, and each less permanent than the one before. I found myself able to percieve these routines, and alter them. The power I felt was overwhelming, something..inhuman, and I saw just how easy it would be to indulge yourself at their expense.