Soldier

Being able to reach momentarily into someone else's life was almost intoxicating, and it took alot of my willpower to avoid abusing it. I admit, I did want to. I wanted to hurt people that offended me, never to wait in line, and have all the money I could. But there was always the dark, and just as I began allowing myself to slip, its whispers floated out from the alleys and the sewer grates, and I swiftly ceased. My time with Russell was like being born anew, he was truly a long lost friend and I owed him everything, and along side teaching me he talked with me and we reminisced about days gone by. It wasnt until almost two years had passed that I came into my own, and truly discovered my balance. I was able now to steadily monitor a few minutes of everyone's life around me, I could see their words, their decisions, everything before it happened. It was wonderous, gone were the chaotic, hellish visions. They were replaced by mundane, easy to follow, depictions of everyday existance, and I could when I wished it watch one person's whole day, all of it in a flash. Kind of like a movie that you didnt fully pay attention too, I could recall instances if I tried, but not every detail. Russell was more and more talkative as I learned more. He told me more about Gustav and their journeys across Europe, about World War 2 and about all that he had learned. He and Gustav traveled in circles of scholars and scientists, and studied ancient histories learning all manner of things that may have been related to our condition. I felt enormous, like someone who is part of a grand fraternity, something timeless, something monumental, and it was. Look at me!, I thought, Look at what I can do! I felt like a child must, when he first learns to ride, or swim, triumphant, jubilant. But it would be as short lived as all the happiness that I have had. In 1995 Russell told me that I was ready, ready to begin working. By this time, I only had my house because it was already paid for, my car because I needed it. I laughed when he said it and I recited his old speil about letting go, but he was uncommonly stern. We had spent over 8 years together, and he told me that he had to move on, to find others that needed him. I was hurt, but more than that I was afraid. I didnt want to be alone again, it made it easier for the shadow to sneak up on you that way. He told me that I would be fine, but he gave me something before he left, he gave me his purpose. He said "It has helped me John, not believe that this is all coincidence, cold fact. I dont think that it is an accident who is chosen for this and who isnt. You and I were chosen because we are good people, and we can help people with what we have. It isnt easy, and it isnt safe, but neither are their lives. My last favor to ask of you John, and this one isnt easy either..Whatever you do, wherever you go, dont forget your wife, dont forget your son, or the man you were. Because that is who they are, and if you can hold on to that, you can be a man and what you are now." I asked him what exactly it was that I had become and he said "The same thing you have always been, a soldier.