Wednesday, November 2, 2005
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

Why does one think of that Bowie song, when long-term things veer into a new direction?

Two long-terms twisted outtoday, my longrunning website is in the process of moving to a new server, something I am eyeing with much trepidation, but it has to be done!

The other ismy decision to walk away from some six+ years of training in Kung Fu (Wing Chun) - a decision I have not come to lightly, but it no longer has the same good feeling that I used to love. :( The damned "politics and lack of trust" over the past three years has gone too far, ruining both the atmosphere and the learning. I cannot see myself making any more progress. The problems have affected my enthusiam for doing it, so I have slipped in my abilities.That last sash will just have to remain a "thought".I shall write a letter to the Sifu, thanking him forwhat I have learned,for I did learn a lot. I am sad about the prospect of leaving, but my mind is fairly well made up on the matter.:(

I wonder if there is anywhere I can go to learn how to use a quarter-staff? (Ro-bin, The Hooded Man! Dum, dum...) :)

The other motive prompting the leave-taking perhaps, is my intention to apply for a scholarship to study for a year in the U.K. later next year - it is one for art & design graduates. I long to learn the techniques of classical illustration - to spend a year doing illustration is a wonderful thought! I may or may not get it, but I think it worth the effort.

I promise not to become a complete slob in the interim... ;)

Posted by Kirstin Wright 2005-11-02 07:09:05

Friday, October 28, 2005
On the bright side...

... I did alert some friends of mine that I had arrived at their front door today, by blowing a didjeridu that I "just happened to have with me" at the time.... ;)

Conventional people prefer a slightly more soothing doorbell, or a rousing knock. What is the matter with the world today that people are not more inventive in announcing their arrival?

There's a reason the Queen has trumpeters. It's a jolly good way to say "Hello! Here I am!" (I wonder if the Queen has ever knocked on someone's front door before?) Visions of "self" announcing arrival at work, at public restroom, or at movie-theatre doors by means of a brass ensemble!

Posted by Kirstin Wright 2005-10-28 09:08:40

Friday, October 28, 2005
An odd state of grief!

I am not able to discern whether it's schlock and melodrama on my part, or one of those emotional states that I prefer to view from behind safety glass. With safety glasses on.

Was talking to a counsellor friend of mine today, and we were discussing (me being a thirty-something), a strange feeling that has been tagging around me for some weeks now. No particular reason that I can think of to spark it, save for being more conscious of my nearing middle age-ness.

I have no partner in my life, likewise I have no children. As I don't fancy the notion of being a solo-parent (I do not think I would cope very well), and I have pretty much exhausted my "friends of friends" spectrum and met no-one that way, nor am I much of a one for le quest fantastique dans la dating-scene internettica; I guess a part of me has begun the gradual resignation of acceptance that maybe, just maybe, partnership and motherhood are not to be mine.

Of course, who knows what tomorrow may bring, but after many many years of not many relationships, and with that dang smiffly bio-clock getting on, my counsellor friend said that it is entirely possible this strange mood is a form of acceptance "grief", by which I am preparing to cope with things that may (or may not) come.

I've never found it easy to deal with my own emotional states, (years of suppressing it - along story, involving familial matters!), which might have been why I never tended to have much luck in relationships before. Many friends, but no soulmate chap. Snarfle!

Here's a tip from me. If you are truly feeling low, and don't know why, go get some counselling. I am embarrassed to realise that even with my navel-gazing tendencies, I was unable to see the navel for the lint. Or the wood for the trees. I wish I had done so, perhaps ten years ago. But I am glad that I am able to talk to someone now - it's hard to get past one's own walls sometimes, without the help of a neutral ladder.

Trying to find your own way out of yourself is like trying to give yourself a hand-up onto your own horse!

So I am apparantly at some small crossroad of "grief" (my god, why are my eyes leaking?) I could swear I wasn't sad. Which is why I constantly fear that some part of me is being subversively melodramatic! Pass me the hankies! heh.

Posted by Kirstin Wright 2005-10-28 09:01:28

Saturday, October 15, 2005
...

A bout of insobriety is like having two fish-hooks put in your brain, trailing leaden weights.
It enables your body to catch up with your mind for a time, but then alas, soonyour body will overtake your mind at which point you invariably end up doing things that fall into the "I'll regret this later" category.

Just thought you'd like to know. ;)

Posted by Kirstin Wright 2005-10-15 06:43:20

Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Windfall! :D

Nothing like coming home from holiday, sorting through a few old-ish lottery tickets and finding a third division prize (around $600 NZ)among them! Needless to say, was quite chuffed (do people still use this word? Will it ever become "retro-chic"?) and it covers the cost of my didgeridu and most of the film (I used lots!)...

Plus it means I may be able to take the last couple of days of this week off and finish my holiday properly, rather than jump straight back into work - but we'll have to see. ;)

Meanwhile...

I really hope my "bat" stereophotographs turn out! Batman has a lot to answer for. (Especially when you see one of the wee sods fly perfectly past the moon, just after you take your camera away from your eye...)Watchingthem leave their shelter in the evening was a blast though.

Snorkelling on the reef was also a highlight. Once I got over the residual wibblies of breathing only by mouth (a dread of inhaling water proved a needless fear), I even got brave enough to attempt duck-diving (holding breath and flippering down) - with limited success. Seeing the fish swimming below me, amid the coral, was quite enjoyable, but I didn't truly have enoughpeace of timeto lose myself in it properly - I hope to return some day (probably to the same place) and try it for much longer.

Australia isa place that is hot, and in Cairns, full of animal sounds (mostly avian). There appeared to be a large number of barking dogs in the neighbourhood. I enjoyed walking through the "markets" and inhaling the mixed scent of all the produce. Cairns is also surrounded by many sugarcane fields and banana plantations.Notionsof caramelised banana float through my mind!

I also left half a tooth in Cairns. But I got a didgeridu, some mosquito bites, and a pleasantimpression of bats and fish in return. Australian tooth-fairies work in mysterious ways...

Posted by Kirstin Wright 2005-10-11 08:03:32