Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Endings

Perhaps it's based on mood and time, but all the endings I seem to encounter recently have been bittersweet. Whether it be on the page, in a movie or saying goodbye to a friend I'd known for all my lifetime, there seems to be this inescapable feeling of being incapable. The old prayer 'Lord grant me the strength to change that which I can change, grant me courage to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference,' I've heard more times than I'd like over the last few days but what irks me is that it doesn't ring true. There is a resigned tone when people say it, almost as an excuse for events they can't accept. It's so very strange trying to fit it all in my head, like something that doesn't sit right, you just can't shake it. It's a gloomy time of year for certain; raining all day, dark by 6pm, no sooner have you gone out than your coming back.

Perhaps that's why we all like the sun and summer, I don't know, but the end of the year always seems to darken the mood. Well mine anyway, for all the food and 'christmas cheer' (I blame the shops - it's not even been Halloween or Bonfire night -although those aren't exactly cheery holiday events when you look at them in any detail are they?) it feels oppressive, even portentous. Now admittedly I dislike birthdays, particularly my own, and I'll probably turn out to be one of those Grinch-like relatives who always manages a 'Bah humbug' during Christmas, but I honestly couldn't care. I feel bored with the whole thing, it's so over the top that all but the very young must be desensitised to it. As my gran says, every two years is fine, the last thing that I want right now is for some prat to tell me to 'cheer up it's almost christmas'. No it's not mate, it's two sodding months away and the sooner the year ends the better, that'd be one ending I can live with.

Posted by Owen Jones 2005-10-25 20:01:55

Sunday, October 23, 2005
It'll come around

One of the ideas that haunted, maybe literally, the most recent episode of Lost I've seen and quite a fitting title for this blog. About four years ago I had internet weariness, I'd finished - or so I thought - with all the intriguing new possibilities that such a radical invention had to offer and was feeling despondent about going through the same daily ritual of turning on the computer, dialling up my super-duper 56k modem and connecting to the various news and sports sites I viewed. E-mail took a few seconds to check, responses were brief if any (can't beat waiting for a letter or parcel rather than this instantaneous lark, although the current Postal regimes take this too literally) and it was all quite mundane. Even Instant Messaging to friends in other universities had lost it's appeal, partly because we were all doing new things and mainly because they chose different universities than me for a reason :)

However this changed when a highly literate and internet savvy friend put me on the path to web forums. I began with favourite authors - almost singularly David Gemmell at the time - and slowly lurked my way around my other past times; gaming, rugby, martial arts and sf&f. All of which of course lead me inexorably to sffworld. To begin with, and arguably continuing to the present day, I was a smug git. Far too clever for my own good and looking to pick a fight when anyone disagreed, I eventually learned that the initial high of enthusiasm on any forum is followed by the comedown of familiarity. In a microcosm of what had occurred with the Internet, I lost interest but following the analogy, I kept my finger in. Over the next few years I found that my interest returned to only a handful of sites, including this one, and that I had become what I guess you'd term a 'lifer'. I had made friends and found enough to sustain my interest even during the quiet times.

At this stage I realised how staggering the potential of forums is. That when you have so many people meeting in a single place, how different the Internet looks. Forums are the flawed but welcoming substance of the web; sure buying stuff on line is great but even that is a soulless undertaking of point and click. Communities grow and stabilise or wither and die, many of the forums I have visited are gone. Many of the individuals who ran these forums have been disillusioned by their providers and members keen to break down what is heartfelt.

So what's left works, something it has taken me four years to realise and in which time become more involved. Now through my participation in forums I get to read the latest books and comics, play new games and all for nothing. This isn't a boast, merely an idea of what you can get from becoming involved and keeping your finger in. When I first started wandering around web forums I'd given up on the Internet, now I can't get enough and it has, quite literally, all come around.

Posted by Owen Jones 2005-10-23 17:52:08

Friday, October 21, 2005
You know you should have stayed in bed when....

pick one:

You got up
The alarm clock reads 5am
You don't recognise the bed your in
You don't recognise the person in bed with you
It's Monday
The rain is so thick you can see it through your curtains

There are always moments when you just can't face it but for me the worst is when the bed is cosy and warm, and the dreams you had were so good that even someone tempting you with a grand is a difficult choice. What's worse this always seems to happen when the weather is cold and winter is here. The central heating comes on, the duvet is pulled up over your ears and the weather outside means you'll need a canoe or a jetski. Funnily enough that time is now, so if you don't see me till spring you know where this bear will be hibernating :)

Posted by Owen Jones 2005-10-21 18:31:34

Tuesday, October 18, 2005
The day's anaesthesia

In moments uncrowded by the hustle and bustle of everyday mudanity there is an idea of the world that is both enlightening and comfortable. When the sun shines the world cannot feasibly bea bad place, only one with faults. A place where kids play football in the streets, where tales are told and laughter can be heard on the wind. Like the ying and yang though, the day must fall to the night and it is to the night that the most powerful, painful emotions come. There is no soft breeze, no happy sounds merely the hungry faces of our other selves that if we could but control in the waking hours, we would perhaps die knowing that we had at least tried to achieve.

It is the dark, where the sun has gone to it's daily grave that what we have become collides with what we should be. In this mirror of truth, hidden from the rose-tinted day do we fall quickly into slumber, believing that inside our heads we are safe. Safety in oblivion, safety from the undiluted anger that rages in the skies. Lockedbehind our doors, hidden underthe foldsof our material coffin we delve into the subconscious - sometimesin blissful ignorance but oft times to another reality that is far more sanguine and unobtrusive. We run. How far no-one knows, it depends on what it is you run from I expect but nonetheless we never escape. Instead, like the undead but more aptly the unliving, werise from our coffins into the anaesthetising rays of the day - eager to not feel once more.

Posted by Owen Jones 2005-10-18 20:26:46

Monday, October 10, 2005
Walking the middle

A common phenomena referred to as 'get the hell out of my way'. You've seen it happen a million times - taking a trip down to the local shop and two people walking toward you smack dab in the middle of the path. At no point do they alter course as a common courtesy, they simply continue their self-absorbed trail - almost by remote control - either staring you down or chatting stupidly to each other. Then comes the payoff, there simply isn't enough pavement for you to pass without contact, at which point you drop the shoulder and step into them :) Watch for the reaction, a mixture of revulsion and stupidity that someone couldn't actually do exactly the same selfish thing that they are. The look is pure 'couldn't you have made some awkward, Mr Plastic maneouver so I can walk past in the MIDDLE of a large walkway' and the reply is 'not a chance'. Let all those walking the middle be forewarned - you are fair game.

Posted by Owen Jones 2005-10-10 18:20:43