Thursday, June 21, 2007
Terrible Three-quels

The old adage third times a charm doesn’t seem to apply to movies. The charm has all but run out once we reach the third in a series. The proof is even more evident this summer of sequels than at any other time. Regardless of how fantastic the movie franchise is, it seems the third installment, well, stalls. So, in honor of this summer’s ridiculous number of sequels, I’ve decided to name the top ten most terrible three-quels.

This is all based upon my opinion, of course. Feel free to disagree and toss in your two cents. I’ll start at 10 and work my way down to the worst three-quel I’ve ever seen at number one.

10. Alien 3 (Series: Alien)
Reasons: This is going to sound like a broken record, but I liked the firs two films. The third installment of Ripley’s battle with an alien goes to a prison is along the same lines as porn movies. When in doubt, make the setting in a prison. A prison planet? Even better. Just ask those guys over at Star Trek. They used a prison planet too! Still, this movie isn’t terrible—it just isn’t great, which, in this franchise, it should’ve been.

Of course, the same can be said of all of these movies.

9. Return of the Jedi (Series: Star Wars)
Reasons: Ewoks. Enough said.

8. Shrek the Third (Series: Shrek)
Reasons: I like the first two installments of this series, just like The Mummy. Careful planning and character development seemed to disappear with this hastily tossed together smash of a tale. It isn’t even funny, which is one of the things Shrek is known for. You’d think with two comedic greats, Myers and Murphy, anything would be funny.
You’d be wrong.

7. Men III: The Last Stand (Series: X-Men)
Reasons: I’ve already addressed all the ways this film could’ve been better. Okay, not all the ways, but three main ones. If you want to read that backstory, go here. With Wolverine and Storm, you wonder how this could go so horribly wrong. An Oscar® winner and a handsome Aussie. I mean, COME ON! Still, it did tank. It didn’t hold a wish of mutant free Earth to the other two previous films.

6. Austin Powers in Goldmember (Series: Austin Powers)
Reasons: Not sure how Mike Myers ends up on this list twice, but I do like his work. This installment seemed to be tired and worn, like Austin Power’s clothes. It also seemed to be an exercise in how many different characters Myers could play before they all sounded the same. Although I liked Beyonce’s performance, this film had overstayed its welcome at the box office and in my home.

5. Highlander III: The Sorcerer (Series: The Highlander)
Reasons: I am a fan of Christopher Lambert and of the entire Highlander franchise, but this one was another of those sequels that was made with only the intent to make money. Given a flimsy plot and not much more, Lambert’s character is about as bored as I was watching this. When I can predict what’s going to happen five minutes into the film, it isn’t worth it.

4. The Scorpion King (Series: The Mummy)
Reasons: Although any time the Rock has his shirt off and is running around all hot and sweaty is a cause to celebrate, his flat delivery of lines coupled with the weak plot didn’t do this cool series any favors. You know it’s bad when special effects can’t help you out.

3. Spiderman 3 (Series: Spiderman)
Reasons: Hmmm…where do I begin? I had such high hopes for this movie. See my blog post here. Was it Toby wearing black eyeliner? Nah, it works for him in this film as it does for Depp in Pirates. No, where this film falls flat is in ambition. It’s a long movie, and I don’t like to know a movie is long when I’m sitting in the movie theater. The other problem is that is addresses many more villains than I think prudent for a film. A comic series, yes, you need many, many villains. But a movie? Nope. I still strongly suggest that one villain be enough so that the bad guy’s humanity (if he has any) can be addressed in the story line. Attempting to do that haphazardly or overzealously can leave the audience with the feeling they don’t know anything or/and they haven’t gotten to know anyone. Three is too many (Spidy’s dark side, Venom, and Sandman) for the audience member to take.

2. Superman 3( Series: Superman)
Reasons: Richard Pryor. Need I say more? True enough I like Richard Pryor and enjoyed some of his jokes, but when you have to call in a comedian to save your movie, an action movie, what else is there? A computer splitting Superman and Clark with synthetic kryptonite. Come on. This, again, was the producers attempting to cash in on the popularity of the franchise. Rushing in instead of taking their time and writing out a good script, revising, etc., they ran with what they had. It’s a shame too, because this was a good series.

1. Batman Forever (Series: Batman)
Reasons: There is only one reason why this movie reached the worse three-quel ever: Val Kilmer. After Michael Keaton’s dynamic turn as Batman, switching him to a blonde, somber, and let’s face, melancholy Kilmer sucked all the life from the franchise. When the villains are better than the hero, that’s a problem. Carey and Jones do a number on the weak Kilmer and made me root for them! The addition of Chris Connelly didn’t help much for the storyline, but it did give us ladies a bit of eye candy. I was very surprised when they made a fourth one—goodness, if you have to rely on Governor Arnold to be a villain to beef up your film, you should stop now.

That’s how my scorecard tallies. You differ? Post it below.

Posted by Nicole Givens Kurtz 2007-06-21 02:54:53

Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Spiderman 3 and the Fears of Fans

Can you feel it?

Hear it swooshing in on the wind?

Watch it as it prattles and slithers about interivews, speculation, and hot gossip?

Put your hands to your ears to hear those scarlet whispers and I pray they don't bleed.

What are they about?

Well, it's all about this summer's anxiously awaited movie. It has big stars, a billion dollar franchise, and the next installment…no, this isn’t the next Star Trek movie, though gods know we need another one.

And, no, I'm not talking pirates, ogres, or transformers!

No, it’s the latest Spiderman movie. And loyal fans, I know exactly what you’re thinking. Because I’m thinking it too. I woke up last night in a cold sweat at the terrorizing possibility.

See, the last time there was a billion-dollar franchise release with a host of big name stars and a comic book hero of great renown, we got Batman Forever with wimpy Val Kilmer!You can stop screaming now. I’m sorry I had to mention it in this column, but yes, you’re worried that the latest Spiderman movie will be reduced to such, such, well, crap, don’t be.

For one thing, this installment of Spidy has the same director and the same essential cast. We’ve come to trust Kirstin, Toby and the gang to do their jobs well. That already puts this third-timer a foot of growth over the Val Kilmer uninspired Batman thirdster.

But that remains to be seen, of course, as the movie hasn’t opened yet Come on FRIDAY!

As an avid comic book reader and movie watcher, Spiderman isn’t my favorite, Batman is, of course, followed closely by X-Men, but Spidy is definitely worth watching because you know the cast, director, and script writer will give a good damn show.‘

Nuff said.

Nicole

Posted by Nicole Givens Kurtz 2007-05-08 11:39:20

Friday, September 8, 2006
Insomnia Prompting...

Why does it take a case of insomnia to get me to blog?

I have no idea.

First, let me apologize for not blogging since sometime the first of summer.

I meant to…I really did.

It wasn’t that I didn’t have anything to say, but rather I had so much to say that I’ve been writing my fanny off and leaving no time or stamina to actual contribute here.

So, you may be wondering when my next fantastic novel or story will be available. After all, I’ve been working on a number of creative projects since February. And the truth of the matter is, well, hmmm, I don’t know.

You see the issue is that I’m still shopping around my latest novel, which isn’t exactly science fiction, but more horror based. I haven’t found a publisher and I spent the bulk of the winter writing and revising this story—which doesn’t have a home yet.

So while you can’t readily see the fruits of my labor and absence, I assure you I have been very busy with writing.

I’ve just come from Coppercon down in Tempe, Arizona, and I must say I had a pleasant time, sold a few books and even had a people show up to hear me read from Zephyr Unfolding—Thanks, Amy and David!

My next appearance will be at Milehicon in Denver, the latter part of October. Stop in and say hi! To me if you’re in the Denver area.

Hopefully, now that I’ve had some down time and well, a bout of insomnia, I’ll be contributing to this blog again.

Oh, I almost forgot. You have approximately 22 days to purchase print copies of Browne Candidate and The Soul Cages. After September 30th, they will be out of print!

So, if you still haven’t secured a copy, I recommend you don’t delay any longer. Use the links on my website to get the goods before they’re g-o-n-e!

Posted by Nicole Givens Kurtz 2006-09-08 02:01:12

Sunday, June 25, 2006
Zephyr Unfolding Gets 4 Hearts from Romance Studio!

Zephyr Unfolding receives four hearts from the Romance Studio!

Nearly a year after its release, Zephyr Unfolding continues to astound and stir up good reviews from critics and readers alike! Recently, The Romance Studio reviewed the novel and reviewer, Linda L. had this to say...

"...Zephyr Unfolding is a fantastic read filled with thrilling action, mixed with love, adventure and much betrayal...Ms. Kurtz pens an enjoyable ride in this science fiction tale that will please any reader..."

You can check out the entire review here.

If you haven't gotten a copy of Zephyr, grab it at lulu.com, Double Dragon, or other fine bookstores!

Posted by Nicole Givens Kurtz 2006-06-25 20:24:05

Wednesday, June 7, 2006
X-Men III: My Three Ways It Could’ve Been Better

As always with blogging, I try to be honest, be me and be real. So let me say up front that I actually liked this movie—despite the blog’s title. And no, I am not going to join the hoards that’ve jumped on the “bash X-Men” wagon.

Still even though I liked it, it doesn’t mean that there weren’t flaws with it.

Major flaws.

So, out of the kindness of my heart, and my pure, unadulterated affection for the X-Men (hello, comic book reader and lover of MARVEL!).

Reason #1 it could’ve been better: It could’ve had more of Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine! He’s drowned out by all the new mutants in the movie and well, let’s be honest, Wolverine is one of the most interesting characters in the X-Men universe. Though his lustful romp with Jean Gray/Phoenix in the infirmary didn’t do them justice either.

It was over way too quickly, and to be frank, Wolverine would’ve been all over that and asking questions later. The Phoenix/Jean Gray storyline took up several issues and rippled across several comic series in the X-Men universe. It’s just strange for me to see it chopped up and diced into about 45 minutes.

Reason #2 it could’ve been better: Trim back on the shear amount of mutants. Yes, I know that special effects has come a gazillion light years from the original Star Wars, but that doesn’t mean a movie needs to be saturated with it.

Did I enjoy seeing Angel take flight? Yes, but his storyline would’ve taken an entire movie in and of itself. So what’s his purpose here?

Ditto with Cyclops. Again, the entire Jean Gray/Phoenix thing is so massive; a two hour movie devoted solely to that plot line might’ve worked. He didn’t die in the comic book, so I’m wondering why he had to die in the movie version of that particular storyline?

Beast is also a multi-layered character, and yes, I know the producers and screenwriters couldn’t include or expand upon all of these plotlines. So why include these characters at all? Why not focus on the central ones from the previous movies, and perhaps, just for variation, settle on the Iceman/Rogue love angle with Kitty Pride.

Or expand on the boy who’s mutant ability is to reverse others’.

But pick two and not two hundred! Ten minute plotlines and storylines made the whole thing seemed rushed and very, very superficial.

Reason #3 the movie could’ve been better: Storm. Being African American and female, Storm is my girl, but favorite of the X-Men (well, one of my favorites). Her role in this movie, bumps her up from background beauty to in-charge sista.

But there were disturbing questions.

1. What happened to her accent from movies 1 and 2?
2. Loved the hairstyle and the clothes, but what was up with her lose of control over her powers when at Xavier’s school?


3. When the hell did Charles ever expect STORM to run his school? Totally weird and well, it hit me from left field.

So, my suggestion would be for the writers to refit some of the Storm issues. She’s got control over her powers, and she’s got other drama going on besides running Xavier’s school. Though I found the gesture flattering, the post in the comic went to Jean Gray, not Storm, and totally uncharacteristic.

So, those are my main things that could’ve been better. Post your comments below. I’m ready to discuss this film!

Posted by Nicole Givens Kurtz 2006-06-07 00:46:23