Sunday, July 24, 2005
I don't know

I think I'm dead inside.

Yes, it is an odd way to start a blog, but when you start to think that we have to eat life to survive, you start to wonder what it is that goes in you. What goes in is death, we sustain ourselves on teh death of both plant and animal, devouring what god (if there is a god, and this statement isn't meant to antagonise, although if it does, it is fringe benefit and the tax will be great. Not great for me, but great for those who are fed from the stupidity that I have shown. Ah Greatness, always standing on the shoulders of the indolent, or at least defined comparitively,) has given us, trying against all hope to not be the sustainer.

They have died so we shall live.

I fried my bios chip in my Laptop this week. The Laptop that holds all my writings, my communications and my hopes and dreams. (I was asked If I'd lost weight this week and I replied 'yes, but it is only twenty kilos of Hopes and dreams,' ( I still make dog food, (No drive,(Quadruple brackets, the conservatives among us will have a field day.)))) Tweny minutes later I transferred the contents to my 'work' computer and apart form the fact that I got the laptop because I couldn't sit in a dingey room writing, all is okay. At teh moment I am sitting in a dingey room.

Five hundred and fifty dollars to replace the motherboard. I'm glad I didn't go to a tech as they would have charged me silly for the fifteen minutes it took for me to pull the SOB apart. Of course that wouldn't have taken into account by the time I get the Board, that I will have forgotten where everything goes, and will leave me in a conumdrum of despair for weeks, a price tag that will cost thae Australian Tax payers almost a thousandth of a cent in mental treatment to get me close to feeling unappreciated.

And to top it off, South Africa and Australia have once again proven that they can't travel. (Thisi s the best scenario for Austrlia as I believe that it was the changes Jake White made and not the skill level or desire of both teams that was teh difference. We're in trouble.)

Posted by Benny Lappin 2005-07-24 10:25:31

Monday, July 4, 2005
Supplicating the Soul.

It's time to start the great detoxification project of... what year is it? 2005? Are you sure? Well 2005 then. Cleanse the sysytem, lose some weight and generally getting my body back into its once pristine condition (well as good as a guy htat hasn't weighed under a hundred kilo's since year 9 can get.)

Two weeks of fruit/veg, rice and beans should get me danxing again, and coupled with the weights and bike riding that I so do dread, hopefully I will once again become a productive member my own household and finally get that bathroom cleaned.

I'm a little worried that I'm on the verge of pushing myself into the world of diabetes through obesity and alcoholism andn my generally listless being of hte last two months (even though I've finished two screenplays, I've done nothing else') has led me to the realisation that I don't like having realisations about myself, so if I stop procrastinating, then it should all come together like an expensivegangbang scene.

Anywho, just remember there's always money in the banana stand.

Well, here's to it.

Posted by Benny Lappin 2005-07-04 01:07:20

Friday, June 24, 2005
Bopp do wop bebop dewop

Beep, Burp, Boop. Sometimes I don't know If it's going to be a long hug, a short hug, or something in between. I love good comedy.

Posted by Benny Lappin 2005-06-24 12:49:33

Friday, June 24, 2005
Good Grief

Have you ever had so much to say that you realised that you had nothign ot write? Not me. I have nothing to say, write or basically add to the human condition.

There was this one time where we all thought that I was about to burst out of societies bounds, but that was a bad case of staring, that my neghbour put pay to by calling the cops. I got her back though. i made sure that I only looked when i was standing over hre bed with my - what, shut up - in my hand.

She thought I was perverted and crazy, I claimed misunderstaing on the grounds of Psychotic mishandling of my sexuality. Under the laws passed by the self proclaimed liberal member of the socialist party, I got off under the condition that I smile the next time I stare and make sure my shame remains handled and hidden, so as everyone will think I was driving nails. Badunk. I got off.

With drool falling from the left side of my mouth, i realised that I was never going to get anywhere with the thought of nothing so I thought about nothing and realised that i could probably do more with nothing than I thought I could. So once agian handling the nothind that our Liberal socialist friend told me that I could stare at whilst hiding, I left the male toilets with a disconcerted look on my face.

Not my happy face, not my monkey face (Born from an egg on a mountain top. The funkiest monkey there ever was...,) but my about face. I finally realised that everything that I realised was a realisation in itself. (Free, free at last. Talking 'bout freedom...) I realised that my self was nothing more than a ;oqwuerahfolasudhbvjabxc (this broadcast has been brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

Posted by Benny Lappin 2005-06-24 11:32:52

Tuesday, June 21, 2005
I'm going for biscuits. Would you like anything?

So I walked up to her. Not with the intention of asking her out, or even talking to her. All I wanted to do was pay for my biscuits and leave. Wander intot he night as tehy say,. Instead I found myself in a conundrum. Irrespective of all my misgivings and alack of intent, my need for misgivings and a lack of intent, I said hello. Just like that - hello - of course it came out a hell of a lot more nasal and pathetic than it is written, but it was a hello none the less. I'd opened myself up to the oppurtuinty taht only life can give, the oppurtunity of grabbing the double edged sword.

With baited breath I waited, my heart was kicking up a stink, exhausting carbondioxide from my system at a rate of knots. I was the seven fifteen, and all systems were chugging, waiting for the conductor to allow me to leave the station.

It wasn't until I had placed my key in the car door that I went back over my little jaunt into the world of man woman love taht i realised that there had been no response. She hadn't noticed my attempted come on.

I couldn't believe it. Didn't she know who I was, the embarrassment I was setting myself up for with that one little word? Did she know my intent, did she want to know my intent? Was there meaning in it for her and if so, was the snub meant to hurt this deeply?

I slid down the side of the car, my biscuits braking as they hit the ground. The sky opened up, my baby blues releasing a torrent of such raw power that I once again found myself on my knees.

I cried to the heavens, seekign answers that wersn't forthcoming. The who's, teh what's the why's - all left to haunt me as I mewled like a stuck cat.

In the end I got up and came home, resolvoing never to open myslef up like that again.

Posted by Benny Lappin 2005-06-21 07:42:54