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Submitted by Tom (Aug 16, 2006)

Joseph, Great poem, really strong tone piece with a powerful foot. Ever thought of using "Ever" rather than "Forever"? I'd love to hear you recite it to hear how you catch that rough rhythm of the last lines of both stanzas. To me the rhythm hops a little in those last two lines, when it has been so solemn and evocative before. It may be exactly what you want, already. The rhythm of words is a funny thing, kind of like dance: different people feel it in their own way. After Ever is all that remains, Tom