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Submitted by Elidhu (Jul 19, 2006)

I like the world your story is based in but i think you should explain more about specific words you are using, like drow? I suggest you make a glossary which you can put at the start of your book which will then also show how the words and names are supposed to be pronounced and you can add in some general information about the history and culture of elves. I also think that you are over complicating your story a little too much. I couldn't really follow what was going on in the other plane. I think you should just try to make it simpler, for example you could skip the meeting between sephalus and rei'gl. You could just show sephalus giving the seeker the scroll and then him killing the guard. I also think you should use more adjectives in your context to help the reader picture what is going on better. The thoughts and feelings of the characters are also important tohelp the reader relate but you didn't really include any. You should describe the important parts in more detail and cut back slightly with the complicated plans.