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Submitted by roxanne (May 22, 2007)

hi, i just want to tell you that, that is the best intruguing and thrilling start. i'll like to read the rest, if you'll complete is please give it to me at my email below rose_blue@hotmail.co.uk

As the scene opens, your character is walking through the dark and foggy streets of London. That's a little cliche, but excusible. He pulls his hat down over his face. That's really cliche. Then, out from the shadows someone says "Not a night to be out on yer own, is it guv'ner?" I couldn't keep from laughing. Overall, your story had a good premise and was reasonably well executed (and I appreciated its brevity), but you layed it on a little thick. Keep writing: you may become an author some day.

Many thanks for the comments. I mentioned the street thug as Jack only to emphasise the fact at the end when the 'real' Jack the Ripper disappears into the night. In fact, he is incensed that a mere thug would take his 'name' in vain. I wrote it purely as an exercise in what I could achieve in 800 words. Ordinarily, I would have extended it to about 1200 words with more detail, especially in the first encounter. The pub would have been more atmospheric. The whole scene would have been darker.

This piece would have worked better if you had not had the street thug mention Jack the Ripper-remember show,don't tell.Otherwise it went well,the atmosphere was well described and the characters seem realistic enough

I really liked this story & the way you described things. Its fantastic! You must write a little more though because it feels a little incomplete. More murder! Excellent story! Keep up the good work! :)