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Submitted by BrianC (Aug 10, 2006)

Ooh, that's quite good for a rough draft. I'm sure that you know that some of the language can be tightened up a bit but I'm ready to give you a few examples: 1. Twisting and flailing, he ran, not feeling the cuts on his face. 2. Fear flared in his gut as he saw the hulking forms slipping through the snow and shadows. 3. Hauling himself to his feet, Ameran ploughed onwards through the frozen forest, every breath a blow to his stomach. 4. Anger replaced fear and lent additional strength to his limbs. 5. Around him other mountains rose, immortal and indomitable, silent beneath the countless stars that glittered like lanterns in the vault of Heaven. Cutting even a few extraneous words helps the flow of the read.