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Submitted by Anonymous (Dec 03, 2009)

The figurative language was amazing! It's hard to believe anyone can write so eloquently. That was a true joy to read. I think I'll follow the story further. The plot, mostly unknown, already seems truly intriguing.

Wow! This is one of the best stories I've ever read. I was left completely hooked. If this was a book, I would buy it immediately. Keep writing--I wait with my breath held for the next installment.

Ooh, that's quite good for a rough draft. I'm sure that you know that some of the language can be tightened up a bit but I'm ready to give you a few examples: 1. Twisting and flailing, he ran, not feeling the cuts on his face. 2. Fear flared in his gut as he saw the hulking forms slipping through the snow and shadows. 3. Hauling himself to his feet, Ameran ploughed onwards through the frozen forest, every breath a blow to his stomach. 4. Anger replaced fear and lent additional strength to his limbs. 5. Around him other mountains rose, immortal and indomitable, silent beneath the countless stars that glittered like lanterns in the vault of Heaven. Cutting even a few extraneous words helps the flow of the read.