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Submitted by HellCold (Oct 13, 2006)

Very good first chapter, but I think it makes things to come a bit "expected", unless you could manage to complete the next chapter with some fine shocks. I especially like the simplicity of events, but the detailed description of the Citadel and such stuff is somewhat annoying, but a good job as an overall...

Yeah, I caught it Sean. Gauging and squinting, squinting and gauging. That's what I get for doing revisions a little too hastily. I'll fix it in the manuscript, thanks. By the way, thanks for the praise. It really means something coming from a pro.

There's a lot to applaude here, Brian. The writing is tight and controlled. The sense of foreboding, of creating a believable atmosphere is good, with some strong descriptive passages. The attention to small detail is good, too. I'm not sure why but it reminds me in places of Ursula LeGuin's Earthsea quartet - especially books 1 & 2. I think there's some repetition of the odd word or three in the first 500 words that might need to be looked at. Do you know what I mean? Very good, though.