Comments to Collar of Slaves: 1 Raiders by Shandria Katz
Submitted by Fiacha (Jul 03, 2007)Needs more words. I'd like to see more details for the surroundings and I sometimes stumble when the words you use don't fit the way I would naturally expect them to. For example, I see a farmyard as a space surrounded by buildings so burning a farmyard does not equate to burnt out ruins of barns, sheds or farmhouses.
I pick at this some more later.
Submitted by Anonymous (Jul 02, 2007)Great story line. I enjoyed reading the first chapter of your story. Please write more chapters to read.
Submitted by Gryphlet (Jul 01, 2007)Entirely engaging. The identities of the characters are difficult to understand with the flow of the story, so between that and a couple grammar tweaks perhaps an editing would help you polish this rough gem into a real shining treasure. Also, I think that the method of this website dividing the story into pages didn't do it proper justice, because the page breaks were a bit rough on allowing the story to flow- which may have just been coincidence, I'm uncertain. But the story is quite worth the reading, looking forward to seeing more!
Submitted by Megankitty (Jun 30, 2007)OK that was just bloody awsome Kat i can not wait for more
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