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Submitted by Rob (Mar 10, 2008)

Hey - Good story. Catches you pretty well. I'd like to read the rest of it, so there you have my overall feedback. Read it through again, slowly. You've got some spelling and grammar errors you could catch. Also, maybe you could try to simplify the way you say some things. "Mikael nodded slowly, wondering if the threat would ever call him forth back into combat." What direction is "forth back"? Try to remember the excitement you feel when you imagine and write the story and when you go through it again see if the words are getting in the way of that feeling. Again, I think a slow second read through will take care of most things for you, especially if there's been a few days since you wrote that piece. Good luck and keep writing.

Good prologue. but try to add more emphatic language to make it stronger.