Comments to Saelieni Chapter 1 by Gregory Harvey
Submitted by Ken Floro III (Mar 19, 2005)This is a genuinely engaging story, with competent prose and vivid description. It definitely whets the appetite for more by creating compelling images and distinct tension. I would suggest that the first scene is confusing, and it might make the story more appealing to have a stronger introduction; you obviously have the skill to create clear intrigue, and the first few paragraphs are the ideal place to grab a reader's attention. The pertinent details contained in the opening could be revealed later once the reader is good and hungry for some explanations of all the odd happenings.
Submitted by marymoonshine (Mar 05, 2005)i enjoyed this. its not neccessarily the genre i often read but i thought it was good all the same. i liked the way that you drifted from each of the characters and the mysterythat is involved. Oh i liked your prologue too.
Submitted by tooeviltoknow (Mar 04, 2005)Well that was interesting, lol. With all the details that you wrote, it was easy to visualize the world you created. I like the way you shifted the story back and forth between the two characters. One thing that I want to know is what the characters look like, but overall I think it's a good story. Keep up the good work.
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