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Submitted by Rybo (Jan 06, 2007)

I think you have a good plot, but your details are a little fishy. The fact that there is a greater gravity at the surface than towards the center is incorrect. The velocity that the character is traveling doesn't make sense with the gravity or drag...(or lack thereof). If it is important that the main character be "reptilian" than make it part of the story instead of mentioning it once. If not leave it out. Some of the physical phenomenon doesn't make sense either...the speeding up while gravity is lessening?...the warm air "not" rising, just at the bottom of the cavern...these and more of the story just make it entirely unbelievable...and if these are incorrect interpretations of your story, then you need to make it clear in your story of what is actually happening. Thanks

Fascinating premise! The wealth of technical information didn't distract from the story (as it does for many writers), and in this particular case more prosy writing would have. Emotionally, fascination is the only emotion the story conveyed, typical of sci-fi, short stories, bent purely on cerebral entertainment. Your subject was "scared out of his mind", and you should illustrate that by letting the fear color his descriptions (make analogy to falling into the mouth of a beast, or something hellish). This story accomplishes "show, don't tell" as well as an info-laden story can. In much of the story, your character recalls memories or thoughts away from the fall, which serve to explain an action afterwards described. Great! You should consider doing this in his memory of racing downwards and how dangerous it is, to give the reader some sense of danger and explain the character's actions more naturally. It would increase the tension of the story. All of my qualms though are fine-tuning. Your story is sound and original, and with ideas like this flying through your head, you should do just fine. I look forward to your next story.

My favorite Sci-fi writer is Arthur C. Clarke. Somehow your story and writing style reminded me of him. I liked the quick short sentences and abundant information on his rate of descent. The pace made me feel like reading faster as if I was falling along with him. I was captivated from beginning to end. Although I figure he must have had one hell of a jetpack on that suit to be able to rocket back up at the end. Still I rated you a 5 and will be looking forward to reading more of your stories.