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Submitted by Miller (Sep 08, 2005)

This one felt rushed compared to the last. I'm assuming you haven't finished proof reading it either. I did notice alot of stuff like that. The world police thing I actually found on the corny side, like kid cartoonish, which could be easily left as it is, or changed to something similar, but different. Just more the name of it- world police, and whatever the other name part was mid paragraph. This is a sloppy comment im writing, sorry. All in all I still like it though, and am going to see if there's more. Check on that puncuation, and borders was mispelt as boarders. I noticed the odd awkward sentence as well, but nothing more than that. 4/5 Only because it felt rushed compared to your last posted works, you have alot to live up to now, hehe.