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Submitted by pennywise86 (Nov 18, 2005)

Just two points - the boy's 18 and he still doesn't have any facial hair? wtf? and wouldn't Cervantes, an experienced fighter be smarter than to get his sword lodged in a tree from such a stupid move? Your writing's good, and the story is interesting. You just need to increase your description in some areas and decrease it in others (what's with the animal part? You could express that in one sentence by saying "The animals of the forest fled from these noisy intruders"). Hope my comments help, as they are meant to.