Hard Against The Wall by S. E. Johnson

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Hard Against The Wall

Spake he thus and thus and I braced myself,
Hard against the memories and turmoil,
Like the oracle of old he drizzled words,
They followed close along the ridges of my ears,
Blame and restitution! Echo in the halls,
Accusation after accusation lapped like waves,
I am the rocky coast undermined by doubt,
Tumbled bit by bit into the roiling sea.

How infinite is a grain of sand,
A whirling world with stars and planets
And bits of me with flecks of dreams,
Covering my ears I sought to shut him out,
To sleep and close my eyes sealing off the world,
Accusation after accusation battered my soul,
Never have I spoken to my own defense,
How could one defend the guilty in their hour?

O to descend into the bliss of madness,
If but only for a night be free of this burden,
Long ago my restitution might have been accepted,
If only youth were not so superficial to deny.
He is the path that I refused and thus and thus,
Hard against the guilt I pressed until it slipped,
Sliding down into the cool waters like a rock,
A rock dissolving into sand and flecks of me,
I sleep in another land to wake again against
The wall.