They Call It A Disorder by Guerric Haché


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Air in here smells of flesh
Dark brown hair gentle mesh
Tattoo on my side lingers
Underneath her soft fingers
Such curious little eyes
Wish to see through all my lies
Yet should my walls lie asunder
Would be no shelter from thunder
Dare you know what madness
Has been born out of my sadness?

You do not, you cannot
You cannot never hope to see
For twenty years I have built a wall
To keep me away from you all
To keep safe from the worst of me
And so I am forever empty

You could peer deep into my mind
You would see nothing
You could reach out and grasp at my heart
You would feel nothing
You could walk a thousand years through my soul
You would find nothing

A hundred thousand miles inside
You find my lonely little heart
Hidden far from the world
That nothing could ever tear it apart

And in it, you drown

I am nothing, I am the world
I am a god and man and maggot
Pain darker than the depths of space
A thirst for blood, a thirst for vengeance
Joy brighter than the blazing sun
A garden of beauty, a garden of Eden

A thousand colors you have never seen
A thousand feelings you have never felt
A thousand nations live in my heart
A thousand lifetimes have come and gone
A thousand crimes committed a thousand times
A thousand worlds, a thousand suns
A thousand lashes, a thousand kisses
A hundred thousand million truths

And you wonder why I stay so silent
Why I am so strange